Night 21, Orkin Tribe, the pests return after Tribal and have to give Kelley her due. Even they know that was a badass move and a few give her props. She knows she can only bask in this light for a night, so she’s gonna milk this moment for all its worth.
However, not all the other players are so keen on her move. Even though it was cool to witness, Kimmi announces to Joe, Wigles, and Stephen the next move is to take out one of the Bottom Feeders, or the “witches’ coven” as she calls them. This brings about another episode of… “Stephen Fishbach: English Literature Professor,” where tonight’s episode is all about how these lowly, reality show vixens are akin to the 3 witches in MacBeth, and why they aren’t speaking in iambic pentameter.
“Methinks, this camp is full of psy-cho nuts…”
Who’s on-ly skill is grab-bing at our butts.”
The next morning (Day 22), Jeremy, Keith and Fishbach are hanging out by the shore discussing last night’s events. While it sucks that Savage went home, it really sucks for Jeremy, who wanted to keep him around for some insulation. The 3 men agree they need to go find the new idol that’s being hidden (even though Jeremy has one already) because you can never be too safe in this “new” version of Survivor.
The hunt seems to be on a few people’s minds, with Keith, Tash, and Joe all taking their cracks. All fun is squashed, of course, when Abi runs up to him claiming she needs to crap, which really just put the brakes on my Wentworth semi. Damn, that Brazilian chick is the least sexiest girl I’ve ever seen! I’ve seen pigs on a spit at a Mexican barbecue that looked better with fruit in their mouth!
Roll credits…
With the rains falling, we fly over an epic challenge that reminds me why I love this show. If I could just go to a Survivor Fantasy Camp and run some of these challenges my life would be complete. I think there’s something in there, John Kirhoffer, so get your ass in gear an open up your own theme park.
But for today, Tash’s thighs will lead the players onto the mat where Jeff tells them about the challenge. It was run previously on BBB so Spencer and Tash are veterans. It involves a series of different tasks: build a ladder, navigate through a maze, slide down, maneuver a key through another maze, open a chest, and solve a puzzle. It will require effort from each of the 5 players on both teams, with the winners being treated to a spa day, feast, and a shower. Losers get zip and one player (hopefully it’s Abi) doesn’t even get to compete. Let’s see what the schoolyard pick produces…
Purple Team
Tash
SP
Spencer
Joe
Ciera
Green Team
Wigles
Wentworth
Keith
Kimmi
Jeremy
So, I’ve already won the challenge because Abi the Sh**tiest Player This Season was not selected. Go stick an apple in your mouth, puerca.
Purple takes the early lead by completing the ladder section first. They continue to press through the different sections while Green imitates the Keystone Kops failing to build their ladder. It’s almost embarrassing how bad Green is since Purple (Spencer and Ciera) is already on the final puzzle section. Even Probst rips them…
“This might be one of the biggest blowouts in Survivor history!” Ouch.
When the Purple team is halfway done assembling their puzzle, Green finally pulls their heads out and completes the ladder. But things are looking bleak for them. They’re doing what they can to catch up and rush through the next 2 sections, but Spencer/Ciera just finished the puzzle and will attempt to open their chest. And with the luck of one of Charlie’s “safe sex goddesses,” the combination works and Purple is going on a spa day! And I’m just glad we don’t have to see Keith get another massage and put his face in the “vagina/birth canal table.”
On the reward, the winners are welcomed by a huge table of food and two Cambodian masseuses who’ve probably never done any prostitution. Now, before you all jump down my throat, I have to admit I’ve been to Thailand and I’ve gone on “spa days” at legit hotels, and some of those chicks were not legit. I’m not saying Cambodia is Thailand, and I’m not saying all masseuses in Southeast Asia are prostitutes, but I will say that if you want to enjoy a real “happy” massage, hit up the New Leaf Detox Resort on Koh Samui, and tell ‘em “Mr. Fish sent you.”
Back to the reward and everyone’s enjoying the few hours of bliss. Food, showers, massages, and, of course, the ability to talk strategy away from the other players. Ciera takes the lead on this and just wants to remind everyone that since she’s on the bottom, she’s gonna speak her mind. And “let’s get rid of Jeremy” is on her mind. She theorizes that if anyone goes to Final Tribal with Jeremy, they’ll lose. Wigles is another one she mentions could win, merely because “she was Season 1” and is playing a great social game. Fishbach plays “Survivor commentator” and has to let us all know how fast the game is being played, but we can see that, SP, just eat your spring rolls and go get jerked off. Send the bill to Mark Burnett…
Back at Orkin (yes, I know I’m misspelling that), while most of the players are discussing how to prepare their “loser meal,” Jeremy heads off to find an idol, since he’s still playing the game. After a couple failed attempts digging near some trees, he spies a canvas pouch below some branches and finds a clue to the next idol! He’s super pumped now, and after everything Ciera was just discussing, it looks like Jeremy might need it. However, it’ll require him to head off at night when the others are sleeping, so it might be harder than he thinks to find his pot of gold.
With the others back from their spa day, the camp is staying up way past bedtime and pissing off Jeremy and Keith. Jeremy finally threatens to poop on someone’s bed and heads off to “do his bidness.”
Stumbling through the bushes and branches around camp, he finally spots something in the distance. A torch! What? Out here in the middle of nowhere? Must be some creepy Survivor crew sex party. Alas, it’s just a Hidden Idol, and since Survivor sometimes wants to make it a little easier for the players, Jeremy walks up and finds the Hidden Idol handing from a string. Not very hidden. He grabs it, does his “happy dance” (much better than Mike’s) and then professes his love for his wife and how this idol belongs to her. However, this idol belongs to him right now, so he’s gotta figure out how to use it best, Because 2 idols in your pocket means you can be around for a while (unless your name is James) and Jeremy is ready to go deep in this game.
Next morning, Fishbach is ready to make something big happen. He approaches the Bottom Feeders and says, “What do you wanna do?” Ciera replies, “I don’t know, what do you wanna do?” And I’m reminded of a couple 16-year-old kids who aren’t sure if they wanna lose their V-card. After a bit of hemming and hawing about “a tingling feeling in their pants,” they start discussing who to target and settle on Wigles, because she’s playing that social game. Let’s keep that in mind for another 10 minutes… I’m still amazed at how she’s being labeled as the “social player,” since we never hear her speak. I’m wondering if Kelly is just not cut out for the “new Survivor,” and wondering if she ever was…
The Immunity Challenge is up next and it’s a challenge we’ve seen a couple times. The last time it was BBB (Woo won it) so Spencer and Tash get to attempt another Second Chance opportunity. Players will need to stand on an A-frame platform in the ocean, and balance on thin rails attached to the sides. To make it more difficult, the skies open up (Mark Burnett must have forgotten to pray last night) and the rain begins to fall. This could get interesting…
With players beginning on the level just below the top of the A-frame (why not start lower?) the challenge gets under way. Immediately, Probst begin talking s**t and dropping hints on the players. After 8 minutes, he reveals that Survivor is “the greatest adventure game ever created” and “your success in this game is typically dependent on your ability to make the right decision at the right time.” Thanks Jeff, but we’re trying to focus on our feet right now…
Frustrated no one is paying attention to him, Jeff grabs a machete and…slices a rope, releasing buoys in front of each player. He tells them whoever can swim over and touch their buoy first will earn an advantage in the next challenge, but that person gives up the chance to win Immunity today. Of all the players, only Fishbach and Spencer jump in, and dog-paddle toward their buoys. By a nose, Fishbach touches first, guaranteeing an advantage – IF – he can survive another vote. Jeff hands him a scroll and we’ll see if things work out for Mr. Fishbach.
Back to the challenge, and the transition to the top level is about to occur. While it shouldn’t be too tough to handle, it proves difficult for Wentworth, Jeremy, Ciera and Kimmi. Then Tash’s booty causes her to lose her balance and she falls in. We’re down to 4 players – Joe (natch), Keith, Abi and Wigles. After some more banter from Probst, Keith eventually falls in (actually, it looks like he just gave up) and as we watch Joe continually check his balance, it looks like being a tall god is not beneficial in this challenge.
After 29 minutes, the 3 remaining players have to transition to standing on one foot. Joe and Abi manage to pull it off, but Wigles can’t complete the move in time and is told she’s out. We’re down to Adonis and Abi, and Abi’s butt is cramping. Surely, she does not possess the Magic Butt. Joe continues to struggle to stay aloft, and with the rain pouring down, Abi finally can’t control her butt and falls off her perch, hopefully signifying more than just losing this challenge. Joe wins Immunity #3, the streak is alive!
Good afternoon fellow Fish fans ( the good fish not the Fish that sheds tears every week ) ! A few things popped into my head replacing the images of those lovely “smiles” of my favorites RC and Morgan ! One is for all his physical prowess ,Joe is a terrible player ! Of course the show is edited so we only see pieces but no attempt to get out Fishbach ? Lets see he has Wiggles vote and can easily get the bottom three to vote with him ! Plus Fishbach just got an advantage . Seems pretty easy . Joe seems to quit playing after winning a challenge . Disappointed that he didn’t get SF out ! My reasoning for the immunity challenge starting the way it did was they wanted everyone in it when the buoys popped up . God knows a certain nerdy uncoordinated player was going swimming pretty quickly ! Wiggles may have been nice to people around camp but I don’t think there was any gameplay by her . I get more upset when a dancer tells me my three songs over than she did losing a chance at a million dollars
My guess is a 4 person finals . Makes sense that with extra jurors comes an extra finalist . I know there have been some twists and turns this season . I just am struggling finding anyone but Jeremy to root for !
Seeing Kass come out with her finger up again… Lovely. I’m incredibly sorry I voted for her. Hopefully she’ll lose her fingers to some horrible virus or something. If I can get two negative wishes against her, hopefully her ability to speak goes with her fingers. It’s just not the survivor I want to watch. I voted her in for drama, not to watch Big Brother. I think I’m going to have to fast forward until they’re all sitting at tribal from now on.
I’m a little surprised that there wasn’t any talk about voting out Fishbach and getting rid of the secret advantage before it bit someone in the butt. Maybe there was and it was cut.
Just so we’re clear, with the switchup last night, chances of Abi getting all the way to the end as a sacrificial lamb and further increasing ALL of our suffering has gone up dramatically. Still hoping to see Kimmi, Cierra and Abi all get voted out sooner rather than later.
Definitely exciting that Jeremy has two idols. Course he still has to use them correctly, (perhaps attend Wentworth’s next seminar on “Immunity Idols and how to use Them”.
TWD – Voice was totally Glenn. Yes, yes, but Norman Reedus said… Don’t make me go point out all the times that actors/writers/producers of TWD have blatantly lied to us in interviews and on Talking Dead. That voice was Glenn and if I were a betting man, I’d bet heavily that we won’t see Glenn, Daryl, Abraham or Sasha next week. Next week will be all about Alexandria again and the rescue of Glenn by Darly, Abraham and Sasha will be a large part of our mid season finale after that.
After Fishbach’s MacBeth analogy a certain kid in my house said – I never ever want to read MacBeth.
Here’s to hoping Joe wins every immunity – just saying.
If this week’s TWD is an episode like the last couple, it’s a sure bet it’s all about Carl. Maybe a black and white flashback of when he was in preschool or being potty trained?
I totally agree with ericah – Hope Joe wins everything. He is amazing in the competitions! But I do also agree with rickhtzbq that Joe is laying really low and not doing much after winning the idol. I’m not sure how well that will work for him when/if he doesn’t win immunity.
Fish – curious as to your thoughts on this article I found rating the top 15 hottest survivor contestants since this is right up your alley. 🙂 Did they miss anybody? Agree with most? http://www.tvguide.com/galleries/the-15-hottest-female-survivor-contestants/?ftag=ACQc6d1ada
I am not feely this Survivor. Perhaps it is due to getting put on blood pressure meds and stopping drinking. What the heck the only thing I had to look forward to every night was drinking and I can’t do that!
Well looks like to old zigged when should have zagged. Last week get burned by not splitting votes, this week split and get burned. I am very tired of the immunity challenges just involving not moving. Is that three weeks in a row? Plus, why does every reward challenge now involve a puzzle, god I am bitter, get me a drink!
Watched Amazing Race last night, Phil looked terrible, looked like he was going through a sex change, someone get him a mansier!
Hi, everybody. Thanks for the love and kind words. You’re the reason I keep writing…
rick – Know what you’re saying. Wondering how strong his game is makes it tough to pick him to win. He does coast a lot… Just makes you wonder how difficult it is to pull off a blindside. If you have a “secret” conversation, how soon is it spoiled to someone else in the tribe? I just wish Fishbach was in the discussion to leave each week. Make him and Abi scramble for survival, there would be some backstabbing then. I finally figured out what I don’t like about Wigles. She’s a man, baby! I’m gonna start calling her Caitlyn because she’s looking VERY transgen lately… Jeremy’s a good pick. I still like Wentworth, Joe, and maybe a couple others. It’s just so hard to predict based on these shifting voting blocs.
thatguy – Know what you mean. As smart as she probably is, she’s just giving in to sensationalism and “gotcha” moments. Show some class… I’ll celebrate when Fishbach and Abi are gone. Wondering when that’ll be… And you’re right, the longer she stays around, the better her chances are of being dragged to the final. So unfair. The show should address that somehow. Make certain “stages” of the game a little more objective (challenges participated in, challenges won, etc.). I hope Jeremy sticks around and is smart too. He seems to play the game right. Can’t even think about TWD. I just let it “evolve” in front of me…
erica – Ha! Your kids must be products of the California education system (aren’t we all?). “Don’t bother us with that fancy-schmancy literature bullshit, I wanna watch more YouTube!”
bonnie – Joe better win everything or he’s gonna fry! Coinicidentally, I saw that article too. Some don’t work for me, but many do. Here’s my comments, and a list of others who should be on that list…
Amanda – will always be one of my faves. need some nudes to be sure…
Amber – granny panties
Andrea – she always reminds me of nude models from WW2 Germany. I’d shave her armpits and do her…
Angie – Yes, please! Probably the hottest woman ever on Survivor.
Brenda – horrible picture, but she’s way high on my list. Love the Asian girls…
Darrah – whatev
Elizabeth – her terrible interviewing skills, Republican spin on EVERYTHING and marketable stupidity are turn-offs for me
Jaclyn – I’m a fan
Julie – Probst’s ex? No, thank you. Her vag is probably a wind tunnel by now…
Monica – Eye candy. Me likey…
Morgan – My kryptonite. Her face, attire, thighs, and tummy are all “meh”, but those tittties are like a hypnotist’s watch…
Natalie – cutie
Parvati – something about her never worked for me. I think it’s because she was sold to us as a “vixen” but even I wouldn’t do her. A girl you end up with at 1am rather than take out on a date…
Stephanie – no thanks
Sydney – really attractive. I hardly remember her. Wonder why?
“Dis”honorable Mention:
Sarah Jones – nice boobs. someone should tell her it’s okay to smile when shooting nudes.
Erin Collins – nice boobs. perfect wife if you lived in Florida
Heidi Strobel – nice boobs. as much as I like nice boobs, she never produced wood
Kim Mullen – you don’t hear much about her. Very attractive, similar to Wentworth
Cristina Coria – one tough lady. I wouldn’t mind shooting something at her…
Candice Woodcock – the name says it all…
Jessica DeBen – another one who no one really remembers. Why would she go first? Probst should’ve stepped in.
Michelle Yi – I’ve always liked the Asian girls. She was the first cute Asian player.
Stacy Kimball – another one who was forgotten. She had something special.
Ashley Massaro – really nice boobs. Why couldn’t she stick around for a while longer?
Jaime Dugan – one of the cutest girls ever. That V-card was a turn-off though…
Natalie Jones – loved that she came across as a filthy whore. The truth? Who cares…
Jacquie Berg – another Candice/Kim Mullen/Jaclyn/Kelley type…
Kelly Czarnecki – another hottie we didn’t see enough of
Candace Smith – nice porn. I knew she had it “in her”
Ashley Trainer – cute
Natalie White – the hottest winner to date
Ashley Underwood – under-rated then and getting hotter still…
Elyse Umemoto – She’s never in the discussion but she was so hot
Mikayla Wingle – I don’t blame Brandon for being tempted… Smoking!
Whitney Duncan – another hottie who launched a career from Survivor. And didn’t have to pose nude.
Kat Edorsson – wanna tell us about your new boobs some more?
Christina Cha – still one of my all-time faves
Chelsea Meissner – her oiled up body is still one the best photos ever taken
“RC” Saint-Amour – have to include her for 2 reasons…
Hope Driskill – too bad we didn’t see more of her
Alexis Maxwell – almost can’t picture her being dirty. Oh wait, I just did…
Jefra Bland – Really cute. Those southern accents don’t work for me though…
Kelley Wentworth – of course her Magic Butt is on this list, but it’s her face that I love.
Julie McGee – quitter or not, this girl is one of the hottest ever
So Kim – I’ll say it again, she was edible…
doc – take it easy! all that “don’t drink” advice is overrated. I’m not saying you should, but I think the more you drink the more your organs are pickled and preserved for later. At least…that’s the way I understand it works.
And maybe, just maybe, the show wants Joeo to win. Who knows? Haven’t seen TAR yet. Don’t spoil anything…
Have a great week!
Fish