Returning from Tribal (Night 8) a lightning bolt portends another dramatic episode for Coyopa. A few members (Baylor, mostly) are celebrating John’s departure, and Dale is finally finding out what the hell happened. Alec tells Dale that he wasn’t warned of the move against John because no one knew how Dale would react (Smart move, there. The first one we’ve seen on this tribe!). Since there’s a chance that Dale would have run to John and told him the plan. Now, Dale is realizing that his days are numbered – probably the next to go – if the Coyopans don’t win immunity.
The next morning, as the Hunahpuians are waking, Natalie looks down and notices the flint they had lost is next to her foot. Odd how it would suddenly turn up next to her right beside the campfire, but I’ll let that be debated by others. With the flint found, Drew is on a mission to tell everyone how sh**ty it is they lost out on the fishing gear. Since he’s such a damn good fisherman, he should have been providing nourishment for HIS tribe. Why should he eat “the same amount as a 100 lb. girl,” he complains, and so he proposes bartering with Jeff to get the fishing gear (remember how well the bartering went last time…?).
The others think Jeff will laugh them off the show, but Drew’s mind is made up. He’s the self-appointed leader of this tribe, and sometimes leaders have to make unpopular decisions,
“Without me, these people would be nothing…” he reveals.
Sounds like Drew is about to make a big mistake. Ooooh, let’s watch…
Exile Arena is next as the tribes file in to bond with Jeff for a bit. I think Hunahpu is going to get a little too much “Jeff Time” right about now, but we know who to blame for that. And as Coyopa marches in, we know who to blame for Rocker being voted out. Rocker!
No, I mean Natalie. She’s leading the tribe in applauding the blindside. Jeff picks up on this and asks Julie how she’s feeling right now; but she can only reply that she knew John would be a target, and he’d eventually piss people off. So she’d just have to stay blind to it, build a shell around her, and continue to support her team.
Well said, Julie, well said. You see, that’s how you play the game! Others (men?) would have used the opportunity to talk a bunch of crap and say how pissed off they were and claim they were going to fly solo and kick everyone’s ass. And how is that working out for you, guys?! (Ok, maybe it worked out for Tyson, but that’s not the point…)
As Jeff is about to begin the challenge, The President of Hunahpu asks Jeff to hold up for a second. He wants to know how Jeff would feel about trading some of the fishing gear for a brand new, unopened, mint condition flint. This is the Honus Wagner baseball card of flint. This is the Magic the Gathering black lotus card. This is a Pokemon Pikachu Illustrator Card. This is da real shizzle ma nizzle. Whaddya say, Jeff…?
Jeff finds a spear lying on the ground and throws it at Drew’s head. “Return policy?! We don’t have no stinkin’ return policy on Survivor! Go f**k yourself, Fabio…!” And with that, the trade is off and the challenge is on…
Players will use a grappling hook to retrieve 3 bags of balls and then use a catapult to launch the balls into 5 baskets. The winning tribe will choose between either the “comfort” prize from last week, or a “campfire treats” selection of food and snacks. Hunahpu wins the roshambo and they select Jon to compete against Jaclyn.
In the challenge, Jaclyn takes an early lead by snagging 2 bags quickly. Jon collects one in the same time but then is able to overtake his girlfriend. He begins launching balls into the baskets while Jaclyn continues to struggle to snag her last bag. She finally does so but he’s able to land 3 balls into baskets before she can get her first to drop. By now, Jon has now sunk his 4th. One more to go (the hardest one!). And right about now I’m realizing this is one of the funnest challenges we’ve seen in a long while. Thanks, John Kirhoffer!
As Jon lines up his last shot, Jaclyn continues to show improvement. As he launches 3 consecutive close calls at the tiny basket, Jaclyn is able to catch up and we’re all tied now: 4-4. Will she overtake him and embarrass another man in Exile Arena? Jaclyn launches her own close call, and it’s a sprint to retrieve their balls and race back to their stand. Jon gets there first, but clumsily falls against his catapult, pushing it offline and the ball goes sputtering away. Jaclyn takes the opportunity to launch another near-perfect shot…but it just fails to find its target. Jon steadies himself, lines up his shot, and calmly drops it in for the win. Hunahpu continues their winning ways. Jaclyn will go to Exile. And the only question is who will go with her?
President Drew immediately chimes up that he’ll go. And I’m wondering why he would do that? We know he’s a lazy bastard. And he’s heard that Exile Island is no penthouse at The Palm. Could it be…that he likes being around beautiful women…? I’m not sure, but Jon doesn’t seem to mind, so I guess he’s a more trusting guy than I am. I would have picked Julie or Natalie since their SO are gone (a “harmless” choice) or I would have picked someone I wanted to get in an alliance with, since Jaclyn could possibly bond with them (gotta think ahead). But…he picked Drew, and I’m not on the show, and this happened months ago so who really gives a s**t?
The only other decision is which reward they want and, to my surprise, the tribe actually makes a smart decision (that’s 2 this episode!) and chooses comfort. Forget the comfort part of it, they got a tarp, which is better than gold (or food) out in the jungle. Jon justifies it by saying they want something for when Drew returns, but let’s be honest, they want to stay dry with the possible storm approaching.
Meanwhile, Alec takes us to commercial break by saying he hopes Coyopa can turn things around, otherwise they may go down in Survivor history as one of the worst tribes ever. I bet Ulong, Matsing, Luzon, Maraamu and Ravu wouldn’t mind seeing that happen, as it’ll make their failures a bit less memorable, but we’re a long way from those levels of dysfunction…
When Hunahpu returns to camp, the tribe muses over whether Drew going to Exile was a good thing. While Jon “trusts” Drew (whatever that means after knowing someone for 9 days) he’s more concerned that he’s put Jaclyn in a bad situation knowing how lazy Drew is. At least he’s comfortable knowing that Jaclyn was okay having to go. What a guy!
But let’s celebrate Rocker getting voted off a little more! Come on, everyone, three cheers for Coyopa sending that racist homophobe away! Um, Julie, aren’t you gonna join in…? Okay, maybe she’s not, but once again she’s smart enough to let her tribe know that she’s okay with him being gone. Now, she can focus on just herself, and not worry about how HIS game will affect HER game. And from the sound of it, I think this is a position that Julie has gotten used to. Not only in Nicaragua, but in Atlanta too…
Over at Exile, Drew and Jaclyn are getting their first dose of the harsh conditions at Exile: no camp, no shelter, no comfort, and none of those little kids who walk up and down the beach trying to sell you gum.
“Chicle? Chicle?”
But Drew doesn’t need any gum. He’s got a clue to a hidden immunity idol, and (to Jon’s dismay, I’m sure, as he’s watching this tonight in Michigan) Drew’s got a beautiful chick to look at. Yeah, he’s gonna steal a glance at her boo-tay as she bends over to pick up a log to throw on the fire to keep you warm you insensitive dick! but hey, you’re a ladies man, which even Jaclyn knows. (Yeah, she’s been talking to your brother, dude…).
But Drew’s not here to pick up the ladies. He’s not gonna horn in on one of his buddies’ girls. He’s here to strategize, and to “manipulate minds” (how’d that go with Jeff?), and to throw challenges. Excuse me? What did you say? You wanna start throwing challenges?
“Yeah, Fish, like, dude. There’s a bunch of loser chicks on my tribe that just aren’t pulling their weight. So, like, I think I’m gonna throw the next challenge so we can trim some of the fat and get me that much closer to winning a million dollars. I think that’s a good plan, what do you think, Fish?”
Um, dude, I think you’re an idiot. You’re too far away from the end to even think about winning, so you’re just setting yourself up to be voted out for being a moron. But, more power to you, ladies man. At least you can look forward to years of meaningless sex…
Hold on. I may need to reconsider my position…