SURVIVOR: BLOOD VS WATER 2

To the episode!

After a lengthy recap of the premiere which didn’t offer anything new, we meet the Coyopa tribe as it’s returning from Tribal Council (Night 3). Josh immediately pulls Baylor aside so he can explain why he wrote her name down. He informs her that it was all strategic because he wants the other folks to think that they aren’t allies. She thinks it was kind of sketchy, especially that he didn’t mention this plan to her BEFORE Tribal Council. She also agrees that it could be a smart move, but who really knows at this point in the game? Coyopa could avoid returning to Tribal for a few episodes and no one would even remember his vote. But…if they go back soon, some may remember his Baylor vote and think her an easy target. We’ll see…

At the Hunahpu camp (Day 5), trouble’s brewing. While Reed, Jon and Drew are trying to impress the girls with their pre-challenge stretching and workout, the girls (Natalie, mostly) are throwing shade at the guys for their pre-challenge workout. Yes, 50 lbs. is not much to squat, but Jon likes to show off for America…

But maybe he should be more concerned with showing off how he takes care of the tribe’s flint, because it appears he’s lost it. Everyone begins digging and scratching around camp, and Jon—BTW, Survivor post production people, it’s spelled “Jon.” You may want to review the subtitles next time before you go to broadcast!—knows this is something that could label him another X’XXX, so he’s quick to admit it might be his fault and he’s uber anxious to make up for it.

And while all this drama is unfolding, Jeremy is suddenly aware of how silly Drew and Jon look to the tribe. This could work to his advantage…

Off to Exile Arena we go and Hunahpu gets their first look at the “new Coyopa” tribe. Seems like the old tribe, with just Nadiya voted out, but that’s part of the show, I get it… And sure enough, Natalie starts to cry seeing her sister is gone. And yes, Jeff turns the screws by asking her “how she feels” seeing this, but what else would we expect in a Blood vs. Water season?

Natalie tells us that her tear ducts are drier than California, since she reveals she hasn’t cried in over a decade. Really? Are you THAT f**king lucky to not have anything affect you deeply in 10 freaking years that it didn’t make you cry?! JFC, I want your life. And I hope everyone is paying attention to the “Luckiest Girl In The World” and realizing she could never, SHOULD never, win this game…

The challenge involves balancing a ball on a round platform that’s attached to a pole while stepping over and under a series of obstacles. Once through, 3 balls need to be rolled up a ramp into 3 holes. The winning tribe will earn a huge fishing kit that would make Ozzy jizz in his pants.

Since it’s another “loved ones” challenge, he tribes have to roshambo to see who chooses their combatant. Once again, Reed goes up for Hunahpu and Rocker will “throw” for Coyopa. Rocker wins and decides to do the challenge for his tribe. I’m a little surprised he’d want to compete, since he knows he’ll be going up against Julie. And you know he thinks he can beat her, which means she’ll go to Exile Island. I’m not sure he thought this one through, but nothing surprises me anymore about Rocker. Maybe that drama I mentioned earlier happens when Julie goes to Exile with Alec…?

As they get underway, Rocker’s massive size and strength do little to help him out on this “finesse” challenge. He can easily step over the obstacles, but the ones he has to duck under prove to be his biggest problem. He drops his ball not once, but twice, while ducking under poles. Julie, meanwhile, is taking the slow and steady approach (we’ll call her the Tortoise) and just slowly, methodically, steps through the course. While she finishes the obstacle course section, Rocker is madly rushing through it trying to catch up. As Julie begins rolling the balls up her “alley,” John manages to get all the way to the end…but then drops his ball carelessly and has to restart. (Does anyone think he threw the challenge so she wouldn’t have to go to Exile?)

Julie succeeds in getting the first ball to drop, and then the second, and rather than witnessing a massive comeback by the former pro athlete, Julie is able to sink the final ball and wins reward for Hunahpu! Jeff is quick to congratulate Julie, and even quicker to call out Rocker for how embarrassing it must be to lose to his girlfriend. And, sure enough, Rocker doesn’t disappoint.

“I just got beat by a GIRL…” so we know Rocker’s still that lovable, amiable, competitor that he’s always been. No chauvinism there at all. Thank god it wasn’t a minority that he lost to… So with the win, Julie gets to pick someone to go to Exile Island with John.

Okay, time for a bit of gameplay discussion. Who could she pick? Someone who she wants to punish on her tribe? Or someone who she wants to possibly align with Rocker? Or someone who wouldn’t hurt her tribe being away?

She could pick Natalie, since she doesn’t have a loved one anymore, and it’d be a safe pick. Or she could pick Keith, who’s already been there (and we know THAT wouldn’t be a first). Or possibly Drew, because we know she thinks he’s an idiot.

But no, she picks Jeremy, because….why? She doesn’t seem to put much thought into it so I’m not sure she thought anything through. I don’t want to believe she simply picked “the black guy,” to punish him, or maybe she’s secretly plotting to have John work on his personality shortcomings? Or maybe she just wants to piss off Rocker and have him spend time with someone he “may not” get along with fully…? I don’t know, it’s not discussed, and McCartney and Wonder walk off together…hand in hand. Okay, maybe not, but that would have been cool…

So Jeff tells Hunahpu to “grab their shit and get outta here,” but Hunahpu has something else in mind. It seems they think they’re on “Let’s Make A Deal” or “Name That Tune” (remember that one?). They want to trade Jeff their beans for a new flint and keep the fishing gear. But Jeff chooses to play “You Guys Don’t Make The Rules, We Do” and calls them out for trying to make a deal AFTER they saw what the reward was, and AFTER they won. He says they should have tried to make a deal before the challenge, which could have allowed them to make a better deal. But now that the cat’s outta the bag, Jeff’s gonna make ‘em pay.

And BTW, Jeff, the show is called “Survivor,” not “Survival.” No idea how THAT came out wrong…

He tells them to kiss his ass, and offers to give them flint if they give up the ENTIRE fishing kit. The tribe is confident they can eat raw fish and the kit is more valuable, but eventually, Natalie helps to convince them that fire is the most important thing on the “island.” So they change their minds and take the flint. No idea why anyone would listen to her at this point…