SURVIVOR: BRAINS VS BRAWN VS BEAUTY – 5/14/14

BRYAN ’S RANKINGS OF ALL SURVIVOR PLAYERS (#16-70)

There’s no need to set these up. Here are some of the most memorable players in Survivor history, with a bit more commentary than usual. Enjoy…

#13 (tie) – 118 pts. – Erik Reichenbach – Micronesia , Caramoan
Infamous for making one of the worst moves in Survivor history (if you don’t know what it was, you’re not a fan of the show), he effectively redeemed himself in Caramoan by reaching the final 5. Alas, his body shut down after Brenda got stabbed in the back and had to watch from the jury as one of the least potent final tribal councils unfolded before him. Oddly, he seemed to be “shamed” by the show for his earlier mistake, when Sherri “sat him down,” which evidently didn’t happen as shown. Then, the disrespect shown to him – and many others – at the Caramoan Reunion show was a huge slap-in-the-face to contestants and fans of the show. Erik deserved more than that for being a “nice guy” on an evil reality show…

#13 (tie) – 118 pts. – Sandra Diaz-Twine – Pearl Islands , Heroes vs. Villains
The show’s only 2-time winner who may end up being the ONLY 2-time winner. An amazing 78 days played in 2 seasons, yet never won an individual Reward or Immunity Challenge! Is that a sign of the best player of all time (as “some” have claimed)? Labeled a Villain mostly because of her sassy attitude, it was her adaptability and penchant for deflecting votes which led to her success. A member of the Survivor Hall-of-Fame…

#13 (tie) – 118 pts. – John Cochran – South Pacific, Caramoan
His embarrassing performance in South Pacific could only be erased by winning Caramoan, which he miraculously did. And with all those protestations about being considered a great player who is referred to by last name only, he somehow combined improbable success at challenges with the breakdown of decency and integrity by the other players. He won Caramoan by tossing a “perfect game,” but in my view he was just the one who stood atop the pile of excrement. I thought the 6 players who finished outside the Top 3 were all more deserving, but that’s why it’s called a game. He may see himself at the bar with the other guys, but something tells me they don’t see him there…

#12 – 119 pts. – Malcolm Freberg – Philippines , Caramoan
One of the most popular players in Survivor history, Malcolm inherited the Mowgli/Huck Finn role originated by Ozzy. His laid-back demeanor, physical strengths, and Ivy League education helped him advance in both seasons he played. A challenge beast, matched by his ability to find hidden immunity idols (2nd most found behind Russell H.), alas, his “jazz hands” led to his downfall in the best shot he had at a final tribal ( Philippines ). Who knows how the vote would have went if Malcolm was pitted against Denise, Skupin and/or Lisa W? A true Fan Favorite, was rewarded with $100,000 even though he finished 9th that season. That’s impressive. Let’s hope Season 30 beckons…

#11 – 124 pts. – Jonathan Penner – Cook Islands, Micronesia , Philippines
Penner is one of my favorite players in Survivor history for the mere fact that he was eloquent, boisterous, witty, and never at a loss for words. If there’s one thing we don’t need in Survivor, it’s another boring contestant. Has won more tribal Reward Challenges (over 3 seasons) than ANY OTHER PLAYER (15) and tied for 6th in Tribal Immunities won (11). If he hadn’t been medically evac-ed in Micronesia , I’m sure he would have moved up a few notches. Outside the game, he’s an actor and a writer/producer who was nominated for an Academy Award (I think that’s cool!), who’s always sounded like Alan Alda to me. And no, he did not receive any extra points for performing on stage in the nude…

#10 – 125 pts. – Jerri Manthey – Australian Outback, All-Stars, Heroes vs. Villains
Considered the first villainess on Survivor, so anyone who later played that card owes her a debt of gratitude. Someone always has to set the mold, and Jerri did that for Survivor and many other reality shows (this was shot in 2000, remember?). 89 days played in 3 seasons, and while she was never really a challenge monster, she did play a big part in many alliances and blindsides. Flirty with Colby, butting heads with Keith and Rupert, the proverbial “black widow” in Heroes vs. Villains, Jerri has worn many hats (both black and white!). Maybe she should have worn a crown…? And, yes, we all saw her pictorial in Playboy, right?

#9 – 143 pts. – Benjamin “Coach” Wade – Tocantins , Heroes vs. Villains, South Pacific
I’ve always considered him a polarizing player – you either love him or hate him. His mythological persona, crazy adventure stories and tattooed physique were either inviting or off-putting to players on his seasons. He participated in many key alliances and found himself in more than one leadership role, which is an admirable quality. This came easy to the soccer coach, maestro, and self-proclaimed “dragon-slayer,” but just don’t call him Benjamin. 96 total days played yet he never won an individual Reward Challenge post-merge. Was he ever really that dominant? Despite his idiosyncrasies, I congratulate him on his newest undertaking… Daddy.

#8 – 147 pts. – Russell Hantz – Samoa, Heroes vs. Villains, Redemption Island
The man who reinvented the role of “Villain” on Survivor and perhaps all of reality television. While his approach to the game may have been diabolically genius, it failed to consider the one simple fact: it’s a game that is AWARDED TO YOU by others. That notion either escaped Russell, or he never cared about winning in the first place, as he bulldozed his way to the final tribal in back-to-back seasons. True, he benefitted by players in H vs. V not knowing what kind of player he was, but that can be said about a lot of players. His accomplishments? All he did was find more hidden idols than any other contestant, but he also bullied tribemates, made chauvinistic comments, and then proclaimed himself the “best player ever.” We’ll see if Season 30 invites him back to rewrite his legacy, since familial feuds (with Brandon ) and previous legal and “spoiler” controversies are rewriting it for him…

#7 – 149 pts. – Tyson Apostol – Tocantins , Heroes vs. Villains, Blood vs. Water
Loveable, laughable, and always willing to toss around some sarcasm, Tyson made his mark on both ends of the spectrum: a jokester, nudist, the 2nd most Individual challenges won (behind Boston Rob), patsy (outsmarted by Russell to vote himself out), and ultimately…Sole Survivor in Blood vs. Water. Tyson’s smart mouth was a joy to watch, but also a curse as his sense of humor was perceived as arrogance (in his comment to Katie), but his ability to steamroll through B vs. W and command virtually every episode earned him the near sweep at Final Tribal (only Vytas’s vote spoiled that). Regardless of any shortcomings, Tyson remains one of the most outlandish winners in Survivor history.

#6 – 154 pts. – Rupert Boneham – Pearl Islands , All-Stars, Heroes vs. Villains, Blood vs. Water
One of two 4-time players (Boston Rob being the other), and probably THE most-liked player in Survivor history. You could even call him “Sole Survivor adjacent” since he won a million bucks as a Fan Favorite. He’s a man (arggh, no a pirate..) who either set or matched many “firsts/records” on the show: 1st player from Indiana, 1st to be part of 3 juries, most tribal affiliations, most consecutive days without attending tribal (21), 1st to be kidnapped, only player to vote for the same winner twice (Sandra), only player voted out 4 times… And had he played a while longer on Blood vs. Water, Rupert may have ranked 2nd all-time in this list. His crazy antics, scruffy beard and tie-dye may rub some people the wrong way (me!), but there’s no debating Rupert is a good man with a good heart. His love for his wife is undeniable, and the work he’s done through Rupert’s Kids is very impressive. Had he finished better in the 2012 Indiana gubernatorial race, we might have been calling him “The Honorable Mr. Boneham,” but alas…4% is a long way from a majority. Regardless, I think he found his calling elsewhere (on Survivor)…

#5 – 159 pts. – Colby Donaldson – Australian Outback, All-Stars, Heroes vs. Villains
The first real “hero” of the series and named the “Sexiest Survivor Male,” Colby’s had his share of ups and downs on the show. His heroic showing in Immunity Challenges in Australia (5-in-a-row, a record, and 7 total) contrasted by his decision to take Tina to the final instead of Keith (which would, in essence, have guaranteed him a win). Which, sadly, earned him the dubious distinction of “one of the dumbest moves in Survivor history.” That is debatable, since there have been some doozies since, but the fact he made a decision with his heart instead of his head should not be counted against him. Sure, his second and third seasons paled in comparison to the dominance he showed in season 2, but he always remained a gentleman and stayed true to his roots. Okay, that night in the car with his mom was a little weird, but we’ll cut him some slack since he’s friggin’ COLBY! I’m just amazed that after playing such a dominant game, those idiots in Australia didn’t award him as Sole Survivor. Total bulls**t…

The Categories:
Days on the “island”
Reward Challenges (Tribe) won

Reward Challenges (Individual/Post-Merge) won
Immunity Challenges (Tribe) won
Immunity Challenges (Individual) won or “gifted”
Hidden Immunity Idols found or “gifted”
Red. Island duels won or passed
Final tribal council non-winners
Sole Survivors

Points deducted for:
Medically Evacuated
Quitting the show voluntarily