SURVIVOR: BRAINS VS BRAWN VS BEAUTY – 2/26

At tribal, with thunder punctuating certain moments, the tribe is split on whether to go for strength or harmony. Spencer comments that he’s voting to make camp more harmonious, which leads me to believe he’s voting for J’Tia, but in the end, it’s 4 votes for David, so the man who was thinking about Day 39 is voted out on Day 3. Nice job, Napoleon…

The next morning, the Brains are trying to figure out how to reconvene after Tribal, and it seems the tribe is in more of a funk than when David was there. Garrett is suddenly bored, since no one is “bringing chicken and vegetables” to him at the table, and he’s just not having any fun “surviving.” Great. Another a**hole who wants the game played in the parking lot of the Shangri-La hotel… Regardless, he and Spencer make a final three pact with Kass, who’s in the enviable position of being the swing vote for either 2-person alliance in her tribe. But she’s no fool. Kass is ready to do what’s best for Kass…

Over at Brawn, Cliff and Woo (Batman and Robin) decide to take the catamaran out for some fishing, but that doesn’t go well and the Batboat takes a spill. When they return to camp, we can see that everyone loves Cliff, which makes Tony feel like he needs to keep an eye on Batman. Can’t we all just get along…?

At Beauty, despite having won the challenge, not everything is harmonious. The tribe is splintering into groups, with Alexis and LJ getting close, Jeremiah and Coconuts bonding, and Brice wanting to get in tight with Jeremiah and Morgan, leaving Jefra the odd woman out to discuss everyone’s bathroom habits. That may come back to haunt her.

We then go back to Brawn and see that Trish is having issues with Lindsey, the hairstylist. And while her response is to mock Trish’s teeth on camera, Trish lets Tony know what’s going on back at camp. This prompts Tony to let Trish know he has her back (those east coast people just “get” each other…) and he informs her that’s he “working on something big” which turns out to be his “#spyshack” which will give him the opportunity to eavesdrop on Batman and Robin. Can we just start calling him “Bane” from now on…? Or Lex Luthor?

The 2nd Immunity Challenge is a physically demanding one where the tribes have to swim out to a partially submerged cage and untie knots on a gate. Once the gate is opened, the members have to haul some heavy baskets to shore and assemble a puzzle. Immediately, the Brain tribe has fallen behind as J’Tia is a poor swimmer (maybe they made the wrong choice at Tribal?) but all is forgotten as the Brains overtake both tribes and get their baskets to shore first, led by Garrett. Once the baskets are on shore, J’Tia gets to work solving the puzzle. Or does she? As she struggles to find the first piece, Sarah (Brawn) drops in piece after piece and solves the puzzle first. With the Beauty tribe still struggling in the water, the Brains tribe can’t lose this, right?

Beauty finally makes its way to shore and once again LJ is solving the puzzle. He quickly finds match after match and he overtakes J’Tia. Now, I don’t want this to be a comment on the state of nuclear engineering in America , but if J’Tia is representing what our nuclear engineers are capable of, than the good ole USA has a problem. Let this be a lesson to all you parents out there. Don’t bother with educating your kids. Get them into sports, or the gym, or just making themselves look beautiful. Nuclear engineers are f**king idiots, clearly proven by J’Boneheads showing in this challenge… Geez, wonder who should get voted out tonight…?

At Brawn, the tribe is celebrating their victory, but Sarah is ragging on Tony for cutting his toe (“like a dumbass”) but didn’t she cut her finger like a dumbass? As everyone’s riding the high of victory, Tony feels that a clue to the hidden immunity idol may be mixed into their fishing/spices reward. No one seems to notice as he fiddles around with their spice tray, which hides a secret parchment with a clue to the idol. Tony scampers off to a little pond near camp, and without too much effort, finds the idol and acts like a criminal who just got off for not having his Miranda rights read to him…

When the Brains (do we seriously need to keep calling them that?) return to camp, everyone seems a bit disappointed; so when Garrett suggests they just openly discuss who they’re going to vote out (Kass, Spencer, and Garrett say J’Tia), that doesn’t sit well with Tasha, who wants to have side conversations with certain people. But Garrett just wants to sit there for hours until they have to leave for Tribal, which sets off Tasha. She gets emotional because she came to play the game of Survivor, and can’t believe that no one wants to play with her. Garrett is obviously motivated by not wanting to reveal he has the idol, but exactly who is stopping Tasha and J’Tia from going off on their own and having a conversation? It appears that Tasha is more upset that Garrett doesn’t want to talk privately, since he was in a 3-person alliance with her and J’Tia.

Here’s a suggestion for Tasha: when your alliance f**ks up that bad, you either jump alliances, or kiss your time on Survivor goodbye. Either way, don’t bitch that no one wants to play the game. Maybe you should have picked a better person to align with…?

So when Tasha actually has a moment to discuss some strategy (with Kass) down by the water’s edge, Garrett doesn’t like what he sees and has to go let them know they all need to stick together. And why, do you ask? Because you can’t leave crazy J’Brandon Hantz alone at camp! And you know what happens when you leave J’Brandon alone? (S)he goes bat s**t crazy and decides to pour all the rice into the fire! And this is just when Kass was about to flip and possibly vote out Garrett or Spencer!

So, as we head to Tribal for the second time in a row, the tribe is a mess. And true to form, Jeff jumps on the opportunity to expose what a mess it is. Honestly, he didn’t even have to do anything, other than turn on their mics. Garrett succeeded in sticking his foot in his mouth a few times, which makes me wonder if he’s going to have to play his immunity idol AT A TRIBAL COUNCIL WHERE SOMEONE JUST WENT BRANDON HANTZ ON HER TRIBE! It’s crazy that anyone would have to protect them self when going up against a crazy person, but that’s what Garrett may have to do. However, to my disbelief, he doesn’t play it, thinking that J’Tia’s actions are enough to send her home.

And what an idiot! Kass just bluffed him out of his full house with her high card ace. He could have played his idol and stayed to play another hand, but he was so caught up in her tilt that he forgot to play his hand. Not a good sign for him in his poker career, and not a good sign for Spencer, who’s now on the bottom of his tribe. I’m kind of surprised that Spencer didn’t quit along with him, considering he now has to spend time with the crazy b*tch who threw away his rice. I presume it’s against the rules of Survivor to punch your tribemate in the mouth, but let’s just say, “I’d understand if he did”…

And with that, the Brains (henceforth the Lobotomy tribe) bid adieu to Garrett, who’s totally embarrassed by his blindside. He didn’t even pack his bag! I hope someone is smart enough to go through his belongings and find the truly hidden immunity idol… So now the tribe must watch as it slowly dissipates into nothing, clearly not capable of making any dent in this season whatsoever.

It’s almost as bad as someone who quits the game. You can tell how Jeff feels about those select few. There are literally thousands of people who would kill to play this game, and THIS is the way you play? Disgusting. I hope this tribe fairs worse than Ulong did in Survivor: Palau (where Stephenie LaGrossa’s tribe lost 7 Immunity Challenges in a row leaving her to be “absorbed” into Tom Westman’s Koror tribe). Just eliminate the Lobotomists and make us forget they ever played. What a disappointment…

So with that, I’ll bid you a fond adieu until next week. I hope to bring you my big announcement in a couple weeks, based on how quickly I can review these past seasons. I think you’ll enjoy the announcement, and I’m hoping it brings a lot more attention to this column and website.

I’ve been immersed in the Olympics, and Idol, and Amazing Race, and Opposite Worlds, and a few other shows. Thankfully, some of those are wrapping up so I can focus on Survivor and Idol and Walking Dead (I watch too much TV!), but I want you to know that I appreciate your support, comments, follows and retweets and I hope you’ll enjoy this season’s recaps. Keeping my fingers crossed this season turns itself around.

Until then,
Fish

Email: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com
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