SURVIVOR: BRAINS VS BRAWN VS BEAUTY – 2/26

Today is like a National Holiday for me, so I’m super anxious to see what we get this season. I was going to offer my “initial thoughts” about each contestant, but who cares what I think? Most of the contestants are overstating their strategies and passions anyway, and that all changes once the game dynamic kicks in. I’m eager to see who lives up to their own hype. I will say that out of the box, my 4 favorites are LJ, Tasha, Jeremiah and Sarah, but that’s just based on the tip of the iceberg I can see in their cast intro videos. I know that once their feet hit the beach, it’s game on and all that talk is for naught. Let’s dive in…

Each tribe is shuttled in via a different mode of transportation. The Brawn tribe in a beat-up truck, the Beautys in a speedboat (What? They couldn’t get a yacht up that river?) and the Brains in a helicopter. The first thing Jeff Probst asks them is to guess which tribe is which, however everyone seems to know where things lie. I guess appearances are something to be judged by… He then asks each tribe to pick a leader. The Beautys pick LJ, Brawn selects Sarah, and Brains pick David, because he’s wearing a blazer (the first of many questionable moves on their part tonight…).

Jeff then makes his first sh*tty request of the season by having the “leaders” select the weakest member of their tribe. Clearly, none of the leaders is happy having to do this, but LJ picks Morgan (we’ll just call her “Coconuts” from now on) because she’s “hot” and not “cute”(?), Sarah selects Trish because she’s middle-aged and skinny (even though Trish complimented Sarah being selected the leader), and David – surprisingly – selects Garrett (a buff poker player, who is clearly the strongest guy in the tribe). I would like to assume that David picked Garrett because he thought that if the 3 weakest players had to square off in a challenge right there and then, Garrett would probably win (that’s what I would have done) but no, David just thinks that Garrett is big and smart so he’s got to go… Bad move #1…

I said it last season when Brad voted out John Cody, and I’ll say it again… Rule #1 of Survivor Fight Club… Keep your tribe strong at the beginning! Don’t think about the end game. Don’t think about who you’ll need to beat at the end! Just keep your tribe as strong as possible so you can avoid going to Tribal. If I was on that tribe I’d be bitching at David for possibly weakening our tribe 3 minutes into the game.

But thankfully, there are no challenges to run, no one’s voted out, and no drama ensues. The three “weakest” players simply get to fly ahead to the camps and “make a decision on behalf of the tribe that just voted you out.”

When each player arrives at their camp…

Luzon – Brains
Solana – Beauty
Aparri – Brawn
(however, it may just be easier to mention them by their “B” name until the merge…)

…they’re given the option to either “help their tribe,” and receive a second giant bag of rice, or “help them self” and get a clue to a Hidden Immunity Idol. Garrett, feeling on the outs already, doesn’t hesitate and takes the clue. Trish, not thinking that Sarah made an unjust decision, opts to help the tribe. And Coconuts, is upset that LJ didn’t fall under her spell, so she chooses to search for the idol. And this makes me wonder if the tribes will ever find out about the choice the “weaklings” had to make when they arrived. I think if I knew that someone on my tribe chose to not get a second bag of rice at the outset of the game, I would be pretty pissed…

Garrett’s quest for the idol evidently takes him through the reptile lair at the Cagayan Zoo. Are there seriously giant snakes and Komodo dragons lurking around camp? I think this is the season that someone will actually be swallowed by a King Cobra. I hope not though…

So after wading into a pool of water beneath a waterfall, Garrett does find the idol and feels vindicated for being selected by David. His crosshairs are clearly on David, who made the first bad decision of the game (just wait, they’ll continue). Garrett tromps off in his underwear, clearly intoxicated by finding the idol…

At the Beauty camp, Coconuts is busy searching for the idol when she sees her tribemates strolling up. Not sure how to justify her absence, she quickly lies and says that she had to decide on what items to keep at camp and she was out looking for crabs. They seem to buy it, except LJ, who thinks she may already have an idol, or a clue to an idol, or maybe harboring a grudge against him. Quickly, the tribe starts to fraction into groups of two: LJ and Jeremiah, Alexis and Jefra, Brice and Coconuts. But despite those mini-alliances forming, the tribe commences getting shelter together and is successful in making fire without flint. They are clearly not happy with the “beauty” label, and are anxious to prove that they can do more than primp, pose, and preen. Alas, there are no mirrors on Solana Beach …

At the Brawn camp, the tribe arrives and Trish immediately lets Sarah know that she’s cool with the choice Sarah had to make. And to prove that she holds no grudge, she tells them about the choice she had to make when she opted to help the tribe. While everyone is pleased with her for that, Tony tells us he would have chosen the clue. Game on…

We then see a couple scenes where Cliff outs himself as a former NBA player and Sarah is feeling that Tony is a cop, but he doesn’t want reveal that to her…even after she tells him that she is one. Whether he thinks that’s a good choice (because, you know, Survivor is based on having ALLIANCES that protect you in the game) he now has a target on his back in Sarah’s eyes. Jesus, it’s funny how people forget how to play the game once they actually start playing…

At Brains, Garrett pretends that he made some choices to help the tribe and he doesn’t harbor any grudges. They quickly determine what their priorities are: fire and shelter. So J’Tia reveals that she’s a Nuclear Engineer and she has a plan for a shelter. Not wanting to rustle any feathers, the rest of the tribe lets her assume the leadership role for this task. However, her plan doesn’t seem to be a very good one, she’s bossy and she doesn’t seem to be doing any of the actual work. Nice move, Chernobyl … So while the other tribe members continue following her lead, they’re quietly trashing her. Tasha then decides to test the strength of the structure and destroys the base. Either J’Tia’s plan is a bad one, or Tasha’s got a big booty… But it looks like J’Tia’s got some “splainin’ to do”…

At the first Immunity Challenge of the season, the tribes have to maneuver a cart through a maze and collect keys and trunks along the way. The cart then has to be disassembled, the pieces passed through a gate, and then reassembled on the other side. Pieces inside the trunks then need to be placed in a puzzle frame. The first tribe to finish receives a reward, the top 2 tribes receive Immunity. Jeff lets us know – somewhat peculiarly – that “immunity is what you covet, because you cannot be voted out.” Ok, thanks for clarifying that, Jeff…

In the challenge, it’s clear that Cliff’s height is a huge benefit, the overall strength of the Brawn tribe is a plus, and the Beautys work well together. The Brain tribe, however, is a total mess and I can’t recall a time when Jeff has been so vocal about ripping a team DURING a challenge. Almost makes me think that Jeff was picked on by the chess club in high school…

Surprisingly, the Beauty team blows by Brawn in the puzzle making section (LJ is a master at this, just as he told us in his video) and finishes first! The Brawn tribe is a close second. The Brains are a disaster and now the question is who’s on the chopping block? I can think of 4 different people who’ve done questionable things in the first 3 days, with only Spencer and Kass without a target on them. But who knows…?

Back at camp, in the hours leading up to Tribal, the vote is between J’Tia and David. Kass is straight up with J’Tia and tells her she’s going to vote for her, because she’s been a big lazy b*tch around camp. But Tasha and Garrett come up and tell J’Tia that David’s in their crosshairs, which should put the vote at 3-2, so Garrett needs to recruit Spencer to make it 4 against David. Spencer’s more concerned about hidden immunity idols, and, of course, Garrett doesn’t want to tell him that he found it already. So as we head to the first Tribal Council, it looks like it’s David vs. J’Toliath…