SURVIVOR: PHILIPPINES – 9/27/12

Back at Matsing (the only tribe that really matters, right), Roxy has herself a breakdown because of the constant rain, no sleep, and not having her church around. She then does her best Coach impression by praying on the beach, but breaks away from the Coach stereotype by starting to talk in tongues, as Denise so gently puts it! Also, Denise tells Russell that Roxy makes her nervous because she is praying for the sun. Well, maybe not for just that reason, but she makes such a big deal about her praying for the sun, and I didn’t really understand why that would be such a big deal to Denise. Denise tries to talk about how she doesn’t need to pray for the sun, just for the strength or whatever to make it through the next challenge with a victory. I don’t think it matters what people pray about, if it makes them feel better at the end of it, so be it, more power to them. It’s not like Roxy can’t throw out a “Oh hey, God, give me that strength to make it through the next challenge” right after asking for Him to stop the motherf*cking rain for one gosh darn second!! Or, why can’t Brother Russell be a little more fine so I can have myself a side piece like Bit T*tty Angie found herself in Brother Malcolm. Saying “Brother Malcolm” reminds me of the movie “Malcolm X” by Spike Lee. If you haven’t seen it, I urge you to do so. Great movie. Just throwing that out there, nothing to do with Survivor.

At the Immunity Challenge, Matsing struggles in the beginning with Brother Russell and Big T*tty Angie falling well behind the other two tribes. I know Brother Zane was an @ssmuncher, and had to be dragged in the last competition, but I bet Cheif Russell would have liked to have switched his vote over to Angie or Roxy after first hearing why neither of them wanted to go twice, and then seen how they performed in the challenge, as well, both needing to be dragged by their partners. They eventually caught up during the puzzle, but it was too little, too late as Tan Dong went on to win and Kalabaw came in second, also winning. Ugh.

After the challenge ended, Russell went into Chief mode and tried to rally the troops by telling Jeff that his tribe hasn’t realized yet that they’re unbeatable, and that they need to get their heads out of their @sses, or just go home! I know, as a coach, you can really only work with what you have and you have to try and build them up with words, but looking at the other two teams, and then looking at Matsing, they’re in some real trouble. They’re probably going to lose every time until Probst decides to pull the plug on the three tribe thing and divvy up the remaining members onto other tribes. I’d vote for you to do that next episode, Probst. Oh, and by the way, being unemployed actually allowed me to catch a few minutes of The Jeff Probst Show. He is MUCH too awkward of a host for a daytime talk show. He had on some Real Housewives character, who found out her husband was cheating on her by reading it on US Weekly. I couldn’t continue watching, because it would have ruined Probst for me. Couldn’t do it. I know they’re probably paying you millions to do it, Jeff, but come on, you have to have $50 million in the bank by now with 24 seasons of Survivor and you being the host AND Executive Producer of it.

Back at Matsing camp, Russell talks about how worthless both Roxy and Angie are, but he believes Roxy is valuable to him, because a) she tells him everything that goes on around camp that he’s too stupid to pick up on and b) if she gets voted out, he’s next. Also, to the cameramen, get those Angie boob and butt shots in now, because it would appear she’s being voted out, seeing as how Denise is making it seem like she is starting to lose belief that her and Malcolm are truly going to be aligned as long as Angie’s boob thing is still going on. She does throw in that she doesn’t trust Roxy, either, because she’s in an alliance with Russell, speaks in tongue, and has that type of attitude that just doesn’t make you want to trust them. They try and make it seem like she’s going to be the swing vote, which makes me believe she won’t be and whoever goes home, will go home with a 4-1 vote.

At Tribal Council, Roxy believes they shouldn’t do work around camp so they can save energy for the challenges. Oh, really? How did that work out for you? You didn’t do sh*t around camp, and yet when the challenge came around, you said you hadn’t been drinking a lot of water so you couldn’t go twice, and then even when you only had to go the once, you couldn’t even pull the sled back, so you had to fake like you were pushing it from behind while Malcolm pulled it the entire way! Yes, so keep up with your idea to not do any work around camp, because it’s obviously working for you!!

Oh. Dear. Lord. She did NOT just say “cookies.” Are you kidding me? Probst asks Angie what one thing might make it easier for them in the game, and around camp, and this b*tch’s answer is cookies! If you had a chocolate chip cookie each night around the fire, you believe you’d have a better chance at winning this game? Wow. I am guaranteeing you that Probst wanted to get up, walk over, crack her torch over his knee, then throw her in the fire while telling her she’s done in this Cupcake War!! Come on, I had to have heard that wrong, right? But, at least she has that boob thing going on for herself. I have a feeling she’s going to be relying on those things for quite some time. And, sadly enough, they will get her places in life. That truly is the sad part about this society, isn’t it? Malcolm tries to come to her defense, which any guy who is fingering a girl would do, but Probst isn’t even having it! He shoots him a look, stops him before he starts talking, and basically threatens to throw him in the fire alongside her if he keeps it up.

Roxy gives a little bit more of her Seminary school attitude (them nuns aren’t to be f*cked with, I think all Catholics know this by the time they’re 8) about Angie setting “booby traps” and basically sucking at life, which all just comes off as her being jealous, really. I get her point, but she’s just talking about it way too much, as if Angie was squatting over her while she slept and pissing all over her face! She’s just snuggling with a guy, you don’t have to hate her for it. If you want Angie’s boobs, just get her doctors phone number and consult with him after the show is over. If not, just dip into the church’s pockets and buy them for yourself. Anybody else grow up Catholic and get those newsletters the church passed out each week, detailing how much money the church received in offerings the past week? Good goodness, and they still asked for more each week? The church I went to made 6 figures every week and had the nerve to still hold fundraisers throughout the year to “keep the lights on” or other inane things like that. I don’t like to talk about religion much, but I will say that I’m no longer Catholic.

And, in the shock of a lifetime, Roxy is voted out instead of Angie!!!! I know my wife was pissed about it, but we get to hear about Angie’s boob thing for at least one more episode!! I am actually shocked about this. The pretty girls ALWAYS go home first or second on Survivor. Oh well, I think I will let the shock wear off as I go to sleep now.

As an aside, I may or may not have two big things to share with you in the very near future. We will see. I’m fairly certain of one of them (should be happening today), but still on the fence about the other one. Either way, I will share them (and my decisions) with you in the very near future.

Until then,
Written by:
Scott Ottersen
Email: ScottOttersen@yahoo.com
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