SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – 4/19/12

Oh, and then he went and spent his shock-fixing money on a letter from home. I’m sorry, but if I’m only going to be gone from home for 39 days, I think I’ll be ok with not hearing from home. I’m sure a letter from home would do me some good on one of these shows, but I still think I could live without it, especially if I’m dead broke and I need that $500 for something else. Sorry, babe, but if I ever went on Survivor, unless you’re sending me nude pictures, I don’t need any letter from you if I’m going to see you in 13 days or so. My daughter, on the other hand, I think I’d be ok getting something from her! She’s only 2, so her pictures right now usually consist of a line here and there, maybe a circle somewhere in the corner, but those lines and the circle would probably be enough for me to spend $500 on. So, let’s just disregard this entire paragraph, I’d probably pay that $500, too…I know I’d definitely do it for some nude pics, though…just sayin’.

After the reward challenge, Troyzan heads back to camp and looks for an idol in front of everybody. The girls talk about how there are 8 of them, and if they all band together and look for the idol, they have a better chance at finding it before Troyzan, even though nobody has been told there is an idol at camp. But, even after they “all” decide to look for the idol, NOBODY GOES AND LOOKS FOR IT! Kim just goes alongside Troyzan and watches him search for it. Look, dummy, he doesn’t care if you see him find it, he just wants to find it. Why don’t you actually go look for it? These stupid ass people. I know they all feel safe and everything, but you should know you’re never safe in Survivor. All it takes is one dummy to realize that they’re better off with someone else and you’re gone.

Then we head over to the Immunity challenge, where I realize they’re setting these games up just to piss me off. They’re not even trying anymore, they’re just redoing entire competitions from this SAME SEASON!! Troyzan won an advantage and got to move right to the second round of competition, where he was going to face off against Tarzan, Kim, and Christina. Troyzan should win that sh*t ALL DAY! And, he wins the second round and heads to the final round to face off against Tarzan. I thought it should be fairly easy, but Tarzan actually showed up and gave him a run for his money. But, it was to no avail and Troyzan pulled out the victory. And, then he went on a tirade, telling everyone “not to f*ck with him” and whatnot. Everyone was on the sideline, pissy about losing, saying “That’s not going to earn you votes.” As if you fools were going to vote for him to win, anyway. Survivor has become Pussy Survivor, where everyone votes for who they like to win the $1 million, so even if Troyzan made it to the finals against all these odds, he probably wouldn’t even get one vote, even though it would probably take the best game play ever for him to make it there.

Back at camp, the girls are talking that Troyzan winning is the “worst case scenario.” Uh, not really. You girls still have 6 in your alliance. There are 3 guys left. Just vote out one of the other idiot guys and call it a day. Get Troyzan out next week. Or, the week after that. Or, after that. Who cares. Leif and Tarzan are useless, so just vote out either of them (probably Leif, because I’d take Tarzan to the end with me) and you’ll be fine. Kim and Chelsea agree with my strategy, even though they know they can easily beat those other two guys. They know that “making a move” now against one of the girls would just cause up a sh*tstorm that they don’t need right now. No reason to have the girls turn on you when there would still be 3 guys left. All the guys would need then is 2 of them to turn and you’d all start getting picked off one by one.

Wait, what the f*ck is Tarzan doing with Leif? Why is he bathing him in the ocean? Can Leif not wash his own face? I don’t know about you other men out there, but the last thing I want is a man in a Speedo rubbing my face, when it’s already clean. I think I wanted to see that entire scene played out. How it started, how it ended, how it came up in topic of conversation. Was it Leif’s idea for Tarzan to bathe him? Did Tarzan offer and Leif just felt awkward saying no, even though that would be the easiest thing in the world for me to say no to? These are the things we need to know, CBS, not stupid sh*t like strategy that’s never going to play out. At least give us some fun, nobody cares about the “game” anymore, because we all know the girls are sticking together.