SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – 4/5/12

By the way, yes you should be worried that you made a mistake voting out Jonas, because lo and behold, Kim and Sabrina started already discussing how the girls have the voting advantage and how they need to get Mike out right now. And, seeing as how you’re intelligence level stops at pressing the shutter button on your digital camera while staring at beautiful, half-naked women, they know how easy it would be to get you to believe that Mike is already talking to them about how you need to be voted out. I know you can get paranoid, but stupid is stupid. Troyzan should be able to figure out that the girls would come up with a story like that so they could vote out another guy, who just so happens to BE IN THEIR ALLIANCE!! Why else would a girl, in your alliance, come up to you and tell you that a guy, in your alliance, wants you out and that you should vote him out tonight?!? Nobody is making those kinds of moves with 11 people left in the game. They need their alliance to stay strong and stick together until they have complete, dominant numbers over the other alliance. But, I guess taking pictures for a living doesn’t qualify you for Albert Einstein-level smarts, so he’ll just go along with his own demise.

Next, we get the obligatory, “Everyone hates Tarzan” scene. Apparently, he may or may not have taken a piece of bamboo from the wall that holds up their shelter to cut it into pieces for firewood, even though (according to Chelsea) they already had a junkload of firewood stacked up next to the fire. Tarzan got pissed about the accusation and once again I realize I’m going to end up like Tarzan when I get older! He said something that struck a chord with me as if I were saying it myself and I couldn’t stop my brain from going into shut down mode. When he said something along the lines of “I can handle being accused of something I did wrong. But I can’t stand for being accused of something when I know I’m right.” Crap, that’s exactly how I am. Of course, I never do anything wrong, so if I’m ever accused of anything or have people give me crap for something I say or do, I don’t appreciate it because they are wrong and they aren’t seeing the same thing I’m seeing, even though I feel like I’m explaining it perfectly. My wife tells me I’m terrible at explaining things, but that’s mostly just because I talk in circles. I like being confusing (oh God, didn’t Tarzan say something like that, too) to people, so I play up on that and just continue to talk and talk until we both end up forgetting what the conversation was even about because now all of the sudden we’re talking about how my socks don’t fit my feet and that makes my ankles itch!! It’s a tool I’ve learned on how to “win” arguments (of course, not with your wife, because you can’t win those). Just aim to confuse, throw in some personal stories from your past about how you never learned this or that, never apologize and admit anything, and eventually you’ll get the other side to see it your way, even though they have no idea what your way is. See…you just read that entire paragraph and had no idea what I’m talking about, but you’re probably all shaking your head like “Yeah, I can see that.” If not, go to hell. Tarzan and I will be there to greet you on your way in.

After that, we got the most classic scene of the entire season! Tarzan confronts Chelsea because he believes she has animosity towards him and he wants to know why. Or, better yet, I should say, he already knows why and he wants to tell her. And, that would be because she got a boob job and she hates her surgeon, and since he’s a plastic surgeon, she now hates him!! He actually said this to her! Wow. No tact whatsoever, huh? I guess medical school changes a person. I hear all the stories about how doctors go through it and get this god-like feeling from it. Tarzan is doing nothing to combat that perception.

And, second of all, Chelsea got a boob job?!? I can’t admit to staring at her boobs (no, seriously, I CAN’T admit it), but from where I stood I didn’t really sense she got a boob job. For me, I never understand why girls get boob jobs just to get up to a medium-level size. Girls need to quit it with worrying about their boobs and thinking that going from an A-cup to a “big” B-cup is going to do something for themselves. I can understand it from the vantage point of self-confidence, but girls should know that if you need to increase the size of your breasts to increase your self-confidence, it’s saying a whole lot about your actual self-confidence and what you are trying to achieve in life. I know the whole issue with wanting to look beautiful and whatnot, and I know it’s something that can never be argued about and truly “won,” so I may as well just leave it alone, but I will just say that it’s unnecessary. If you’re going to get the work done and waste all that money, go HUMUNGOUS!! Like quadruple K’s or something. And, I don’t even like big boobs. So, I’m not saying it for my own personal gain, I’m just saying it’s a waste of money. Moral of the story, Chelsea, yes, you should hate Tarzan.

I apologize for that rant. Let’s move back into Survivor mode here. After that scene, we get Kim approaching Troyzan with the lie the girls fabricated about Mike wanting to get him out. And, since Troyzan apparently despises Mike, he buys into it without questioning. The sign of true stupidity in Survivor is believing something you hear without questioning it from others. I would go into that game knowing every single thing a person told me was a lie. Again, I know I said sometimes you just have to trust the people you are with, but that’s all fine and good, but I don’t have to believe a word they say. You have to see everything from every perspective and ask yourself the best question ever created, “Why?” He needed to ask himself “Why would Kim tell him that?” And, maybe even delve further with a few “What” questions, like “What would Mike gain from telling Kim that?” Or, “What would Kim gain from telling me that?” But, instead, Troyzan just says “Mike’s an idiot. I hate him. He’s gone. I don’t care if I lose.” Yes, that’s basically what he said, no matter what the words that came out of his mouth were.

The immunity challenge was a doozy. We got some ladder and rope challenge, where they had to weave bags through a rope, weaving through the rungs of the ladder. Jay, Kim, Troyzan, and most surprisingly, Alicia move on to the Final round. I didn’t see that one coming. But, every big-bottomed dog has their day, right?

Anyway, in the puzzle portion finale of the challenge, Kim and Alicia moved out ahead of the pack but got caught up on the last pieces several different times and made time for Jay, who was in last place the entire time, to complete what has to be the craziest comeback in Survivor history! He was so far behind everyone else that it seemed a better fit for him to just give up and root on Troyzan. But, he stuck with it, and before you knew it, he was done and won Immunity!! You would think that the girls who couldn’t even trap a chicken in a chicken trap would have been able to easily finish a puzzle, but we live in Bizarro World on this season of Survivor!