Oh, and what kind of a secret note is that? Like the other six morons at the camp don’t know that there is going to be an idol hidden on the island?!? Well, I guess I shouldn’t say that, because these are idiots I’m talking about, but still. That’s the big secret you want to tell me? And, I had to wait until I was done eating to read it? What’s that about? I can’t eat my pizza and read your stupid note at the same time? Is it because you knew the note was stupid and nobody was going to care long enough to talk about if they were eating and drinking beer? Maybe they just wanted the people good and drunk before they read it, so they would consider it “news.” Hell, if I were playing and I was back at the camp on the losing team, I would have already known that whenever a note is handed out on Survivor, it has to do with the idol, so I would have went looking for it while those idiots were enjoying their pizza and beer. They could have come back to camp after reading their secret note and realized this idiot right here already found their stupid secret idol.
And, why would Mike tell Jonas about Tarzan’s plan about all the guys sticking together when just ten minutes ago he was talking about how he wasn’t going to stick with that plan?!? Why was he all surprised that Jonas didn’t know about it? And, why is Jonas so upset about it? It’s not like Mike told him that Tarzan said he wanted Jonas voted out, so what the hell was such the big deal, you big baby? You really need to be “in the loop” that much that when you find out your “alliance” wants to vote someone out, you get all mad when you find out? Weren’t you the one a few episodes ago saying that you’d follow Colton’s extended butthole and vote out whoever he wanted as long as it wasn’t you? Why does it matter so much now when you find out it’s not you being voted out? I don’t get it…
Also, has anyone else noticed that Jonas sounds a little like Boston Rob when he talks? Obviously, the similarities end right there, but if you close your eyes and just listen to him talk, he really does sound like him. Just sayin’. Jonas uses his Boston Rob-esque voice to chide Tarzan about going to Mike with his plan, because he feels Mike is the least reliable guy to talk to. Tarzan gets pissed, tells Jonas he’s dropping his allegiance to the guys alliance (that doesn’t exist) and also that he doesn’t like Jonas and never wants to talk to him again. Nothing like settling the issue like a couple of four year olds would.
Then, we get the inevitable scene where Troyzan finds the idol. In two minutes. I wish Survivor would get a little bit more inventive with their hiding spots. Jesus, when is the idol not going to be hidden in a f*cking tree branch?!? Dig a damn hole in the sand and make these f*ckers find a shovel in the jungle with a map tied to the handle and make them find it and dig it up without being noticed by anyone else. I’m starting to think that none of the people who work for CBS even graduated high school since they’re obviously not creative enough to a) come up with new games/competitions to play and b) still hiding the idol in trees every season. I’m sure these two reasons are the root of the reason Survivor just isn’t want it used to be. They got comfortable, like a couple who has been married for 25 years gets to be. Change things up a bit. Stop having sex in the missionary position, once a week, only on the weekends. Be dangerous, bring a third party into the mix, turn the lights on once in a while, come on now, it’s not that hard. Pardon the pun.
Oh, and I like how Troyzan was talking about how he wakes up first, at 4 am. Really, how would you like to explain how you know what time you wake up, moron! Also, the sun is not risen at 4 in the morning, so nice try with that one. That scene they showed was probably middle of the damn day. And, from the looks of it, only Chelsea was sleeping. I’m sure production just told everyone else to go to the other side of the island so they could shoot the epic scene where Troyzan finds the idol in the second tree he looks at! And…cut! Nice work, everybody. Let’s break for five and we’ll come back and set up the next scene where Leif spends some time in his crate with the lid pealed back like on a can of sardines.
After that transient scene, we move over to the Immunity Challenge, where a familiar looking game is being played this time around. They have to balance some balls on a tray, while they balance themselves on a skinny beam-like structure. Tarzan is, of course, the first out. But, the surprising trio at the end consists of Troyzan, Kat, and Leif. Who would have thunk it? But, this season shouldn’t surprise anyone, I guess. I think any of these idiots can win any challenge. It truly is wide open. I don’t even see a favorite to win this season at all. But, before I digress too much, Troyzan ends up winning over Kat. How climactic.
Your blog cracks me up – it’s right on target! I think they should have voted out Tarzan. Even though he’s weak in challenges, he’s got a big mouth and he can’t play the social game to save his life – and by that I mean that he can’t keep his big mouth shut! Anyway, I wouldn’t want his sh*tty drawers near me! Right now I’m thinking Troyzan is the smartest one of the group and that’s pretty sad…..
Thank you Scott! You are hilarious!
I would think if Tarzan were really a surgeon, he could have held his arm still for longer than that. I certainly would not want him operating on me (for more than the previously mentioned reason). I hope these people do not “take him to the end” just to have someone annoying there.
I was thinking the same thing. I would totally be Tarzan, “ugh, I can’t stand these people” . I would never make it. Alicia is the worst, Christina seriously needs rewarded for not kicking her in the face. I’m rooting for Jay, just because he was so confused when the guys gave up immunity.