SURVIVOR – 3/15/12

Back over to Salami for 90 more seconds of nothing. Or so I think. Kim ends up “finding” the immunity idol. They didn’t even bother to show it on camera how she ACTUALLY found it, they just cut to her opening the bag and showing the idol from the other side of the tree it was “hidden” in. Give me a break, I think the producers had to remind this tribe there was another idol sitting in their camp somewhere and then went ahead and pointed them in the direction of where it may be. Geez, 14 days into the game and one person finally thought to go look for the idol?!? Pathetic. And then she drops the bomb, “It’s in my crotch!” I understand that, for a girl, that’s really the only place they can “hide” the idol after finding it, but seriously, just hearing her say that out loud to another woman was priceless. I was half hoping she was going to have trouble getting it out and Chelsea would need to dig her fingers in there to get it out. Yes, that’s perverted, but come on, she was asking for it!! She didn’t even turn to the side or block Chelsea’s view as she dug it out herself!! I think the production team should have told Chelsea they would have given her the million dollars right then and there if she would have smelled the idol!! They’ve already been living off of oily fish, so it probably would have been nothing to her…

Back at Menudo’s camp, the production team tries their very best to GIVE them a chicken, but they screwed that up by not making sure the trap they had was closed shut and the chicken just walked right out of the trap like it was his house. My wife made a comment how that chicken was probably the happiest chicken at that moment and never was going to come back to that beach again. Sheeeeit, if I’m that chicken, I’m coming back every day and walking off with these idiots gear and food. I’d chicken poke holes in their fishing nets, chew up their fishing line, eat all their rice, poke holes in the bag the rice is held in, pee on their faces while they slept, you know, all the things chickens do in the wild…

It is at this moment when Colton goes off on another rant about how these people suck at Survivor. I can’t say he’s wrong, though, because really and truly they do. It’s going to hurt my feelings to have to watch another one of these idiots win $1 million. It also hurts my feelings to say that Colton may be the only one who “deserves” to win this game, since he is the only one that is actually playing. A common theme amongst what you hear people saying around camp and in interviews is “As long as it’s not me, I don’t care.” Like Jonas, who said “I’ll be Colton’s b*tch as long as it’s not me going home.” Or however he put it. But he actually said “I’ll be Colton’s b*tch.” Seriously, who was the last “b*tch” you knew that won the game of Survivor. Oh wait, don’t answer that because something like 5 of the last 7 seasons have had “b*tch” winners. Maybe Jonas is the genius and I’m the one who still thinks the vote should be more on who played the best game, not who was the nicest for 39 days. Still, I don’t mean Colton deserves $1 million, just that he’s the only one playing the game.

He just talked to Alicia, who said she wouldn’t even consider voting out another girl, since this was game of numbers leading up to the merge and she wanted the girls to have the numbers. Then, Colton calls her a Princess and she’s all about voting out her other two females on the tribe. I don’t get it. Do people not even think about the game while they are there? It just seems as if these people are just happy to be on the show (and on TV) and they’ll just go along with anything because they think it will get shown on air. So, at the beginning of the show when all the girls were talking about keeping the 7 females together no matter what, Alicia was off daydreaming about what?!? A cheetah print top to go with her cheetah print bathing suit bottoms? Or, maybe she was remembering all that talk she was talking about how she’s going to manipulate all the guys into doing whatever she wants. Good strategy, go talk to the gay guy, bend over in front of his face some more, see how far that gets you.

At the Immunity Challenge, I wondered to myself if they had to find a special area where the water wasn’t too deep. You know, because Leif might actually drown standing up. Yes, these are the things I think about. I know I have issues, no need to tell me.

Anyway, Michael dominates the challenge, going 3-for-48 on his shot attempts and Salami wins. I will say that Colton did have an athletic moment when he outraced Michael to the ball and proceeded to hold onto the ball while being tossed like a salad, all while screaming “Help me!” Good for you, Colton. You did great. Almost didn’t suck.