SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – 2/23/12

Since I write for realitysteve.com, a site mostly known for blogging about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, I am not lost on the fact that most of my readers are women. Trust me, that is not lost on me. So, when I say things like what I’m about to say, just remember that. I’m not trying to piss you females off, but it’s just too hard not to comment on things such as these. I thank you for your patience.

Women are f*cking delusional. In all honesty, though, I think that is my favorite aspect of the female persuasion. I loved it how Alicia was all excited about how Christina made herself seem crazy because “she told me to shut up.” I always say that women need to have a camera crew follow them around all day so that they can see what other people see when they are making their stupid faces while they’re making their stupid comments and how they come off in conversation. But, then I remember that they’re delusional and even though Alicia has a camera crew following her around on this show and she’s going to see that she came off just as fricken crazy in that Tribal Council, she still won’t get it! She’ll be like most women, and notice how her hair was frizzy or how she had a double chin at this one moment when she was turned half to the side and talking at the same time the camera was rotating at 90 degrees to catch her at this exact wrong angle at the wrong moment on day 3 of her period, which she wasn’t sure she was getting until later that week, which she remembered because she thought she might be pregnant, but couldn’t be since she only had sex 3 times that month and each guy used a condom, but that one guy kinda did seem like he didn’t want to so maybe he took it off, but who cares about all that because I’m still on national television and I wish I could have brought my hair straightener with me. I know I’m not a woman, but I can guarantee that’s about exactly how the thought process goes!

Ok, I got it out of my system. For any ladies who made it out of that paragraph and are still reading, I promise I still love you as my reader. You are NOT delusional. Just all women are. But not you. Never you. Only every other woman in this world. You are the one that bucks the trend. Thank you for reading. Also, I know you can’t see it, but I’m writing this with a humongous smile on my face and in all sarcasm.

Also, someone needs to tell Alicia that she couldn’t save anyone if they were drowning. That tragic story would turn into two dead at sea, one from not knowing how to swim, the other from being delusional enough to think she is strong enough to hold up another person while swimming. Ok, now I’m done with the delusional remarks. I promise. Man, I think I’ve got a chip on my shoulder this season, right?!?

After the opening credits run and the commercials are over, we head back over to Salami camp, where the tribe votes Sabrina the leader. She refers to the job as “managing the airheads.” Probably the best description of a job I’ve ever seen. I’m not saying the girls are stupid, by any means, but in the game of Survivor, this group is pretty stupid. The best part about this scene was in the background, you see Dr. Boob (Tarzan) walk past in his blue balled banana hammock. This guy is REALLY drumming up the business for himself. I can see the women forming a line near his office now to have this guy perform surgery on them, willingly. Don’t these people have other people in their lives to help them realize what NOT to wear on national television for 39 days? I have a feeling that 100 out of 100 people would have told him that he should most definitely not be wearing that hammock. Loose fit is the way to go. Unless you’re Mr. Marcus (google at your own risk), you have no reason to be showing off your bulge (or lack thereof).