SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – MEET THE CAST

Since the cast was announced, I thought I’d give you my first impressions on the cast. I am doing it mostly based on the one picture of them provided and a quick interview they filled out. I did try and watch their video interviews, but those were incredibly boring, so I only made it through a few. Here goes nothing:

Jay Byars, 25, Model

Wait, another model on Survivor? No way you’re saying, right? Just your average, run-of-the-mill model going on some reality television show hoping it will help further his career. Of course, I’m not doubting that he’s hoping to win the $1 million on top of it all, but anybody in the “entertainment” business who goes onto a reality television show is, truthfully, only doing it to further their existence in said career field.

I’m not hating on him for doing that, because you do what you have to do to get yourself where you want to be, but it’s my job to scrutinize and that’s what I’m doing.

My prediction: He doesn’t win, makes it to merge and is backstabbed as quickly as possible, and turns out just like Mikayla Wingle from last season, tweeting every damn 15 seconds of the day as if everyone is interested in every aspect of your daily life. Seriously, is anybody else following her on Twitter, the girl NEVER stops! Mikayla, if you’re reading, please stop tweeting so damn much. I know I don’t follow many people on Twitter, but you are most of the reason why I never go on Twitter anymore.

Monica Culpepper, 41, Ex-NFL Player’s Wife

You know you’ve made it when someone sums up your life as “Wife of Ex-NFL Player.” And, look, it’s not me who is summing her up that way, every media outlet that is talking about this cast has this down as her “occupation.” Must be nice.

My first thought when I saw her was “no way this is who Daunte Culpepper married.” Turns out I was right, she’s married to Brad Culpepper, some guy most NFL fans never heard about. I know a little about him because he played for my hometown Chicago Bears at one point in his career.

My Prediction: She won’t survive Survivor because of her self-assessed reasons for winning (“enthusiastic, pleasant to be around and a great motivator). I’m guessing she hasn’t seen the show. Maybe she can motivate the girls’ tribe since they are split up this season, but once the men get involved, she won’t be heard. And, from where I stand, whenever a woman thinks she is “pleasant to be around,” she’s probably not.

Troy Robertson, 50, Swimsuit Photographer

Lucky bastard. Must suck to take pictures of beautiful, half-naked women for a living.

Anyone else notice how one of his pectorals seems to be caved in? Maybe that just comes with age, I don’t know. I know my body ain’t perfect, either, but just looks weird seeing it, almost like he had breast implants and the doctor screwed things up and gave him a little less on one side than on the other.

My Prediction: He is a pervert and tries recruiting some of the women to pose for him.

Sabrina Thompson, 33, High School Teacher

Not sure why CBS decided to typecast her as a high school teacher, but this lady is much more. She owns her own jewelry company, which has celebrity clients such as Alicia Keys, Nelly Furtado, and India.Arie to name a few. She played a major role in creating WEEN (Women in Entertainment Empowerment Network) and handles the national events that group puts on.

Perhaps she wanted to downplay her “power” and come off as the every day, teacher-type when she’s anything but.

My Prediction: She is the only African-American female on the show and since tribes are split by sex, I am not sure she will last long with her female tribe. I’m not saying her tribemates will be racist towards her, but you women know how petty you can be and how clicks tend to form. She is a women who feels empowered and we all know that power can sometimes come off as arrogance, rude, and angry. Black women in today’s culture get labeled the “angry black woman” (hell, even Michelle Obama got tagged that way) without even being given a chance, so I hate to say it, but I kind of see this happening to her. Although, I do have a feeling she is the opposite of that. I hope she does well.

Kat Edorsson, 22, Timeshare Rep

First off, I’d like to ask that she (and all her friends) stop calling me and telling me I won a trip to the Bahamas or Hawaii or wherever and all I need to do is come sit through some 8-hour long class and tour some facility I’ve never heard or visit some travel agency or something. Listen, I’m not stupid, nothing in life is free, so stop telling me that it is. Thanks, Kat.

Second, she definitely was arrested back in November 2010 for petty theft. I didn’t bother to look up the story behind it, because I’m guessing it’s not that interesting.

One of her pet peeves is “small children with leashes.” Makes sense, considering we don’t see many big children with leashes on these days!

My Prediction: She uses the story behind that scar on her chest as a way to try and further herself in the game. It doesn’t hurt, but I have a feeling she’s not the brightest bulb in any batch of broken bulbs, so I don’t see her doing any damage in the game. Maybe she can be the type that latches on to a powerful man (if she makes the merge) and skates to the finals where she receives no votes for her efforts, but chances are she’s out pretty early. She’s semi-attractive and the attractive ones are always out early in Survivor.

Chelsea Meissner, 26, Medical Sales Rep

I swear, not one season of ANY reality television show goes by without a “medical sales rep” being on the cast. Do these people work in reality television or something? Are producers/directors of reality television shows the biggest buyers in the legal drug market? I can’t understand why this phenomenon is occurring, but I’m dead serious about this. Start taking notice about this and I guarantee you’ll see I’m not lying. Hell, I’m half certain that there were medical sales reps on Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, and probably even Cupcake Wars.

She rides horses, trains them, and has been in three fist fights in her life. I’m not sure what girls consider “fist fights,” but I think I’d like to see this girl in a fist fight. I might let her punch me with a closed fist once or twice if it meant something might come out of it in the end…if you know what I mean!!

My Prediction: She will go far if she doesn’t hide per penchant for spear fishing and hunting. I have a feeling the girls are going to struggle with the eating aspect of this show since no men will be on their tribe to find food for them (although, I guess the men COULD still provide food for them since they are on the same beach), so this girl better play that card and feed these b*tches, otherwise she’ll just be another pretty face making an early exit in the game.