It was about a week ago that I started dreading this Finale night. Before, when I didn’t blog about the show, it wasn’t that big of a deal that the finale was 3 hours long, but after starting the blog, and having to keep attention for the entire way through, 3 hours sounds like a daunting task. To make matters worse, CBS had a 3:00 football game airing, which always means that it’s going to run late and for some reason they still think people actually watch 60 Minutes, so they NEED to show the entire episode in its entirety or else face backlash from 85 year old dying people across the country. Look, CBS, give them another few years and they won’t be viewing CBS anyway. Speaking of 60 Minutes and other CBS shows that do “well” in the ratings, I have a theory as to why that is. I have a slight understanding of how the Nielsen ratings work, but I happen to believe CBS gets such good ratings because all of the nursing homes and retirement homes and old people around the country simply just turn their TV on channel 2 and leave it on the entire day. They don’t really watch the show, but it’s just something old people do. I remember, growing up, my grandma would ALWAYS have her TV on in the living room and also the little 7” TV in the kitchen. Both would be tuned into the same channel and both would be going unwatched. And, she “watched” 60 Minutes, too. She couldn’t have been the only one doing this. So, take heed, CBS. Nobody watches the dumb show. If football runs late, f*ck 60 Minutes and their stupid bits and run it from when the game ends. At least the people on the West Coast will still get to see it in full and I won’t have to stay up until 10:40 to watch some jackwagon win this show and hear “Uncle Russell” talk about how he’ll sit down if that’s what Loco wants and then not let him decide what he wants and instead rip into him some more. I like you, CBS, and I like a lot of the shows you watch, so stop making the old folks happy and realize the younger generation are your viewers.
Anyway, I’m not done yet. I think the most relevant piece of TV I got out of these 3 hours was the fact that CBS has decided to give Rob Schneider his OWN SHOW!!!!! Are you f*cking kidding me?!? This is the exact reason why it’s so hard for people to make it in Hollywood. Nobody has any desire to try something new. They just keep recycling old talent, even though that “talent” has never shown that they have real talent. I’m not saying he hasn’t been funny or anything, but come on now, even the highlight clips they showed to introduce the series in the commercials were boring as f*ck. But, because of my theory above, this show will be a “hit.” Look, nobody is watching Mike & Molly, nobody is watching Two and a Half Men, and nobody is watching The Big Bang Theory. Yes, I know people are watching the show, but the fact that they are “hit” shows is beyond me. I’ve seen each of those shows and couldn’t stomach more than 20 minutes of one episode each. Just terrible television. So, I guess “Rob” fits right in at CBS and will have 15 million viewers each week and will win a few Emmy’s and Golden Globes since those award shows don’t really watch the shows, either, and just blindly award statues to people.
Ok, ok, I’ll get to the show. Not that I really want to, but I will. It starts off at Redemption Island where everyone In America knows Ozzy dreaded seeing Brandon sit down next to him, realizing that he would have to spend a night or two with just him and the Lord Jesus Christ. I’m sure Brandon prayed with Ozzy before he went and took a piss to have the Lord guide him back to camp and not get lost in the woods or to not have the tip of his penis bitten off by a snake. The most telling thing I got from Brandon was that he forgave Albert for “what he did.” What did he do? You GAVE him the necklace and he stuck to his word that he would not vote you out. It was Coach’s disloyal c*ockface who voted you out, and Sophie, and Rick. What could you have to forgive Albert for? Not giving you back the necklace you JUST GAVE TO HIM and that you PROMISED him you would give him. Jesus, let this season just be over with already, I’m so f*cking tired of these people and their idiocy. And, thanks Ozzy for the “You didn’t get blindsided. You gave up the Immunity necklace” comment. You are saying exactly what everyone else should be saying to this moron.
Back at Say Tuna camp, Coach goes and gets upset at Albert for his “lies.” I’m having a hard time understanding why CBS is trying to spin this as Albert being the bad guy all of the sudden? Isn’t it Coach who “talked to God” and then voted out Brandon because that’s what God wanted him to do? Isn’t Coach the REAL reason why Brandon is out on Redemption Island right now and not Albert? Well, really, it’s Brandon’s own fault for having an IQ of 14.6 that he’s out of the game, but why all this hate spun towards Albert as if he’s the reason Brandon is gone? I did enjoy Coach practically crying about being made a fool out of for his actions in “this game.” I think Coach has had it rough in his home life for going on national television and telling all these stupid stories and being the “Dragon Slayer” and all this and he’s just taking it out on anyone else he can. I wish someone would tell Coach that all of the fun being poked at him is warranted. I hope that when everyone dies and they go to Heaven/Hell, that God/The Devil sits down with them and watches the tape of their life and allows them to see it with a subjective eye so that they can then realize how much of an idiot/a-hole they are. Or, for some, how good of a person they were. I think it would be good for some people to see how they truly are seen. We can start with Coach.
We head back to Redemption where Ozzy makes a bland statement about finding out things about himself he never would have before. I always like when people make these comments, because I’m of the cloth that doesn’t ever really believe people can learn things about themselves. People don’t really and truly change, from my experience in life, so whenever I hear people say this, I always wish someone was there to shoot right back at them, “Like what?” I’m not saying this in a distasteful way or in a negative tone, but just so that we can truly know what these people think they have learned about themselves and what then they are going to do about this new knowledge they have. I don’t think he learned anything about himself. Maybe he learned he’d like to have sex on Playboy TV more often and bang other reality TV stars like Pumkin from Flavor of Love (yes, she was on that show, too). I don’t know, but I would just like to know what he believes he learned about himself while on Survivor.
At the final Duel of the season, Ozzy and Brandon hang on a big pole where it is pretty evident that Ozzy is going to win. This is his type of challenge. They made it seem like he was struggling just as much as Brandon, but I highly doubt that was true. Ozzy wins with ease and Brandon goes on to talk about his “heart-to-heart” he had with God around Day 7. I found video of that “heart-to-heart” and it went like this: “God, it’s me, Shorty Loc, I’m on Survivor right now only by your will. I promise that one time when I masturbated and yelled out ‘Oh God’ I really didn’t meant it. It’s just that I was really horny from seeing Mikayla’s boobs so much that I had to do it and it felt great and I didn’t know what else to say as my semen show out of me. I ask forgiveness for that and also that you send word on how I’m looking on camera. Do you think after this season is over, I should cover up my Loco tattoo on my neck, because I’m just worried people are going to think I’m actually crazy. I know I am, but you know what I mean. Anyway, I hope my family loves me and thinks I’m doing great, because I think I’m playing the best game of Survivor ever, for a God-loving person. Also, if you think Coach would tickle my balls at night, send down a sign, I’d appreciate that. I pray in your name, Amen.” And, I guess I’m going to hell now for writing that, but it may or may not be worth it. Sayonara, Loco, it’s been, well, something I guess.
Back at the camp, with Ozzy back in the game, Coach has a talk with him and tells him that “if he thinks he (Ozzy) is in danger,” he will give him either the hidden immunity idol or the immunity necklace, if he were to win immunity. I don’t know how Ozzy didn’t bust out laughing. We all know Coach isn’t winning any immunity, so nice try Coach. And, Ozzy already knew he was lying, so this is just CBS showing more filler for the episode since these people can’t provide actual entertainment.
At least they didn’t do that boring-as-hell “memory walk” (aka filler time) where they walk up a hill, looking back at their fallen comrades and burn their torches. That was excruciating! I HATE that Sophie won, but Coach really dug himself into a hole with all his “honor/man-of-God” crap–the jury really had no other choice. Boo.
Hahaha, you sound like my wife, because that “memory walk” is her worst part of Survivor, too! We always fast-forward that crap…
I still think people should have listened to Edna and not voted with bitter taste in their mouth. Coach “got” everyone, so they should have just gave it to him since all Sophie ever did was follow his every word. What can you do, though?!?
I agree with mpas, THANK GOODNESS they cut the memory walk!
No real comment about the actual episode/game. Stupid Final 3. I felt bad for the jury because I would have had ZERO idea who to vote for. And yes, if Ozzy were in the final, obviously he should have won, but I really can’t stand the guy as a person, not gonna lie. He seems like a real jerk.
Also, I sure as hell hope Survivor doesn’t end at Season 25!! I’m Canadian, so I still need enough time to marry an American, get citizenship and then apply for /get on the show before it’s cancelled. That’s my version of the “ticking time bomb” 😛
So how do we find out how the jury voted? I hate that Survivor never tells us how the votes went. What is up with that? We know how 2 people voted but that is all they showed us. Why do they think we don’t want to know how the rest of the jury voted? How can I find out how the vote went? Was really glad Coach did not win. Absolutely hated that he talked about what a good person he was and how he never lied!
The only thing I can think of as to how you can see the votes is to check on the CBS.com/survivor website. Maybe they have something up there. I don’t care to know, so I don’t care to look. I hope they have the answer for you, though…
I do have lots of comments about this season of Survivor so stayed tuned..
1) You didn’t comment about Edna being preggo. NO idea she was even married, too bad Coach can’t get in on that 🙂
2) Coach is so lame. I have to admit, I was actually starting to like him a bit more this time around until all of his lies and horrible game play the last 5 days or so. What was he thinking getting rid of Rick and not Sophie? Are ALL of these people SO stupid they don’t see these kinda things? He lost because he lied the MOST out of everyone out there, yet claims he’s honorable. Here’s a clue to anyone ever playing Survivor in the future: STOP SAYING YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO LIE. Because you will. What did they think was gonna happen when the 5 of them are left? You HAVE to vote someone out, so stop lying. And he was a fool for even talking to Ozzy about being in a final 3 with him. UGH!
3) I laughed so hard when Sophie demanded Albert go pick up her pieces. I kinda stopped liking Sophie this whole episode. Why are you crying because Ozzy called you a selfish brat? You acted like one the whole time, regardless of how “you have a hard shell.” She never made any time to get to know anyone else, and I think her social game sucked. Too bad she had to win because she was left with useless Albert and lying Coach.
4) I can’t believe Loco’s wife and kids weren’t there? That was strange to me….maybe they figured out he’s nuts too. The only thing I liked about him was when he screamed at Albert YES OR NO during the jury questions. At least he’s not totally stupid and knows Albert lied.
All in all, this season was blah, but it did have a couple of moments that made me laugh like Loco writing Dawn’s name wrong, Sophie demanding Albert write her name down, Loco giving away his immunity necklace, and Papa Bear jumping up and down ridiciously at the reunion. Did anyone else catch that?
That’s it. 🙂
Oops, meant when Sophie demanded Albert pick her pieces up, not write her name down. Too many thoughts in my head 🙂
Hahaha, Papa Bear jumping up and down was definitely hilarious!!
As for Edna being pregnant, I didn’t care much about the latter portion of the reunion, so I didn’t take notes and her being pregnant was definitely not something worthwhile for me to remember without taking notes, so that’s why I didn’t mention it.
As for Coach, he would have won if he brought Rick instead of Sophie, although Ozzy would have won that last Immunity if Sophie wasn’t there, so Coach was basically screwed once Ozzy won that first Immunity necklace and they had to send Rick packing instead of Ozzy. Oh well, Coach was an idiot the ENTIRE SEASON. From the get go, he played like a moron. Only kudos he gets is for having a tribe that had the “Boston Rob” syndrome where they just blindly followed the veteran around like a puppy. Only Coach isn’t Boston Rob and he played a TERRIBLE strategic game, so that’s why he lost. I have to believe Coach will play Survivor again.
Coach even says himself he has terrible strategies. I think he may have done better this time if he lied like he did and cut out the talk of honor/integrity. That is why Russell Hantz should have won his first season of Survivor and why jury votes piss me off. Russell was not a “honorable” player, but he never said he was! All in all, I think next season seems like it COULD a good one, as long as they cast someone good players!!!
I heard the next season will be men against women with both tribes staying in the same camp.
Yeah, the same camp twist was told to us on the finale night, but I think the men vs. women tribes makes the most sense since both tribes living on the same island would get confusing as to which person was on which tribe, at least in the beginning. I guess we will just have to wait and see, right?!?
I feel like they just seriously need to cast better people. Most of the players are SO lame! How do they beat out so many other auditioners??? Like how the heck does someone like Rick even get a chance to be on this show?
Maybe they should make it part of the show now that people HAVE to lie to each other about certain things. LOL. That way, no one will know who to trust, and they won’t whine like little babies when someone backstabs them. That’ll even out the playing field and would certainly make for better entertainment.
Thanks for a funny season by you!! The show was same old same old, but you did make it good! I think Rick probably did talk more and do more things than they showed in the one hour. On the recap show they showed a few interviews by him. I decided that it just sucks to be on a season when there is returning players because the producers are just going to focus on them. Oh well, I have high hopes for February! Thanks for the laughs!