SURVIVOR – 12/1/11

I’m finding it harder and harder to root for Coach. I mean, I never have rooted for Coach, but he’s not making it easier for me to switch around. Why in the world would he think it’s a good idea to tell Edna she’s next out after The Coch? I think he truly believes he’s got all these people wrapped around his hairless cat testicles so tight that he can do whatever he wants and no repercussions will come his way. He’s so caught up in the God part of this season that he believes nobody would cross him and vote him out, even though he is blatantly telling people they are gone after next vote. If I were Edna, I’d be scrambling right now to see if I have a chance at getting Coach out before I go. I’d wait until after Cochran gets voted out and then start talking to anyone and everyone (other than Loco) about what they think about making a big move in the game and getting Coach out. People have to see that he’s winning the money right now, so if they can’t see that point and want to do something about it, then really you might as well just get voted out because you’re not going to win against Coach in the end. And, none of the Upolu members built up relationships with the Savaii tribe, so those votes are already wishy-washy and leaning towards voting Coach since he’s the obvious ring-leader. Therefore, your only shot at winning is getting Coach out as soon as possible. Will it happen? Of course not. CBS loves themselves some Coach. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him on TV after this, with some Sissy Boy Travel show during the Summer season when nothing good is on TV.

I just have to mention how hilarious I found the scene with Cochran crossing his legs on the tree stump talking about how he loves Coach’s “chi.” He never mentioned the word “chi,” but that’s basically what he was talking about. I’m inclined to believe some homosexual actions may have taken place on the island. A guy is a guy and a Coch is a Coch. You have to get yours, right? We are talking about the guy who spoke about how proud he was just to be holding a fish, even though he was frightened about the little 1 pound fish reviving itself and attacking him. Yeah, I think someone’s been on their knees a few times in the jungle throughout this season. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Over at the Immunity Challenge, Survivor is REALLY showing us how much they are running out of ideas by redoing previous challenges from this same season!! These people get paid for this? Jesus, I need to get a job where I’m being paid to just rehash old things I’ve already done…wait, I think that’s exactly what my job is now. Ok, well I need to get a better paying job that lets me rehash old things I’ve already done. Yeah, that’s it.
Anyway, highlight of the Challenge was Probst telling the campers (at this point, that’s all these people are since they aren’t exactly playing a game anymore) that the winner is going to receive a “Bush shower.” I don’t know if they say this stuff on purpose or not, but you would have to think there would be another name for taking a shower in the jungle then a “Bush shower.” Although, 30 days in, their bushes will definitely need a shower. Not so sure I’d want to see that bush shower going on, but hey some people are into that kind of thing. I’m in the midst of catching up on Weeds (season 3) where a character becomes a fetish porn star and f*cks girls with his toes, so anything’s possible, right? There are some sick ass people out in this world. And, yes, I just went from taking a shower on a reality TV show to toe f*cking porn. Who else do you know who can do that so easily? Maybe I am one of those sick people in the world…

Princess Albertina wins the Challenge and gives up his bush’s shower to The Coch and his bush. He chooses Coach as the secondary recipient, which just goes to show even more why Coach is going to win this season. I like how Albert talked about giving it to Cochran because he has a birthday coming up, and then we learned that he lied about his birthday being in 3 days, instead it was 6 months ago!! F*cking lawyers, right? This was part of his “master plan,” I guess, to get the people of Upolu to “repay his debt” and let him stay another night so he could celebrate his birthday on the show. I’m pretty sure some people saw right through that seeing as how he just started mentioning that now that his head was clearly on the chopping block. Seriously, after 29 days on an island, I wouldn’t be clear what day of the month it was, so I wouldn’t even know my birthday was 3 days away or if it were 15 weeks away…I’m f*cking hungry and my bush needs a shower, forget about my damn birthday!!

Then we get the weekly bullsh*t editing where they pay the actors to talk about voting out someone other than the obvious person that is getting voted out, then once the votes are shown at the end of the show, we see that the person who seemed to be leading that crusade didn’t even vote for that person anyway. I think they need to just skip this part on this season, because nobody is playing along, so just vote out The Coch and let’s move on to next week. Even if that means only going 45 minutes deep each week, I’m sure CBS can come up with 15 minutes of filler before the next crappy show starts on Wednesday nights. It’s probably NCIS: Detroit at this point or CSI: Kickapoo (yes, it’s an actual town’s name, I’ve actually driven through it).

Before we head to Tribal, Coach discusses the “dilemma” he’s in with possibly voting out Rick and starts quoting Shakespeare. Two things annoy me about this. One, I hate people who quote something and then tell you who said it. I don’t give a shi*t who said your dumb quote that barely makes sense in comparison to what you’re doing at the moment. It just makes you come off like an a-hole who thinks he’s smart because he memorized a quote from a person in the past who some people thought was smart back then. Second, it’s f*cking Survivor, dude, get off your high horse with these dumb quotes that the Production team is probably feeding you with cue cards and just talk the game. Shakespeare, Marcus Aurelius, God, hell even your Mom doesn’t give a sh*t about Survivor, so stop quoting them when you’re talking about the game. Play the damn game, collect your stupid million dollar check in a few weeks and let’s just move on with our lives where I forget you even exist. And, no, I’m not watching your dumb Travel show. Unless you’re going to allow me on as your “Child Warrior” so I can drown your ass in a river in some state park in Montana, I don’t want to ever hear another word out of your mouth.

At Tribal, Coch still wants his debt repaid, Edna cries, and Brandon is an idiot who just plain out needs therapy. But, we’re left with our last gem of the night, when Cochran drops “Talking strategy with Brandon is like talking to you (Probst) about shirts that aren’t blue.” F*cking hilarious!! I don’t think I ever really noticed if Probst wore only blue shirts, but it does seem likely since he does make a big deal about his wardrobe being consistent. Nice way to go out. The Coch was snuffed out. Sent to Redemption Island, where Foursome tells us he’s going to plow the Coch in the next duel.

Lastly, I did get an email or two with some questions this week, but I will just answer those questions in email form rather than in the blog. No point in divulging more information like that. It would seem most of my readers think I only care about the show for the attractive females and I’m only willing to discuss who I think is attractive and who I think isn’t. While this is partly true, I do run a little bit deeper than that. I’m not a shallow person who only cares about looks. I say this kind of stuff because it’s funny in the blog and it’s an easy addition to each blog whenever I run out of things to say about the boring ass people on the show. So, I apologize if I come off this way, but if you did want to discuss things other than how attracted I am to so-and-so, I’m game. But, that’s not to say I don’t mind talking about a looker here and there. Keep the emails coming, even if you just want to cuss me out for being an a-hole, which I already do know I am!

Until next time,

Written by:
Scott Ottersen
Email: ScottOttersen@yahoo.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/ScottOttersen
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/ChokeOnMyBlog