SURVIVOR – 12/1/11

After that, Sophie says exactly what everyone else in the game knows (as well as I do) that he made an awful move and should have stuck with his tribe. Making the move he made got him nowhere except the same place he would have been in with his old tribe. But, I beg to differ, because with his old tribe, he could have possibly turned things around and swayed a few votes to his side, possibly even formulating an alliance with some leftover Upolu tribe members to get his tribe out and get him into the final 5 where anything could happen from then on. I really feel as if someone who goes to Harvard Law would have been able to figure this out, especially someone who prides himself on being a “Survivor expert.” His gameplay has made me sick. I truly blame him for this season being so boring.

We move on to the Truel, where Survivor blatantly shows us that they really have no originality anymore by having yet another balancing competition, and one they have already done in the past to boot. The highlight of the competition was Jeff dropping the pearl, “Dawn went to yawn and it almost cost her the game.” Then, she went out a few seconds later. Followed by Whitney. Followed by nobody being surprised that Foursome won it and remains in the game. I’m still hoping that they keep the Redemption Island going until there are 4 people left and whoever wins that last Duel makes it into the Final 3 automatically. I think that’s only fair considering they are actually fighting for their game life at Redemption Island, even moreso than they are at Camp where it appears that no game talk really matters until it gets down to the final 5 of Upolu and then it might actually get interesting to see how they turn on each other. Thanks, so glad we’re going to wait 15 or so episodes until the season gets interesting.

Back at Say Tuna camp, Princess Albert blasts us with the next line of the night with his talk about how his tribe thinks the game is “Out-clean, Out-gather, Out-organize.” Priceless, although you can tell he was struggling to come up with a third one in that sentence. I think he’s going to use this as his tagline for his Dating Advice business. I think Princess Albert is going to be our next Hitch. Watch out Will Smith, someone’s on your coattails. But, he is right, though, nobody is playing this game. Coach has this game all wrapped up for the taking as of right now since nobody in their idiotic mindless mind can think for themselves and realize that they need to get Coach out if they want to win the million bucks. There are two kinds of people you always want to get out in Survivor.

First, the threats to win. Not just the threats to win Immunity challenges, but the threats to actually win the game. Coach isn’t a threat to win Immunity so much as he is to win the entire game. These people should have seen the previous seasons where it has become increasingly apparent that you do not need to win sh*t in order to win the entire game. So, get out the people you can see everyone voting for to win the game, not just the people you are worried about beating you in the challenges. People like Albert don’t matter. Second, you want to get out the threat’s patsies. These are people like Cochran and Edna. The people who hang on every word the threats say. The only issue is which do you get out first. I think that all depends on the people and if you might be able to sway them your way once the threat is gone. If that is possible, you get rid of the threat first, but if it’s someone like Brandon who you are worried about killing you while you are dropping a deuce in the forest behind camp, you get the patsy out first. The only issue with the patsies going first is that you HAVE to get the threat out close after, otherwise you are guaranteeing them a vote on the Jury. It’s a complicated process winning the game of Survivor, but it’s not as hard as people make it out to be.

Anyway, much like he never does in this blog, Porn Stache makes a quick appearance in the episode when he discusses his distaste for Princess Albert. The Porn Stache seems to be failing more and more nowadays. It’s becoming a full-blown Porn Beard, which is never sexy. This man needs to get in contact with a razor and quick, otherwise his days of Squirrel porn are done.