SURVIVOR – 10/6/11

I wanted to start off by telling everyone who is not my Twitter follower that I released a tweet yesterday regarding a speculative list of the results for this season of Survivor. As of right now, it’s only speculative and not verified, but the person has reason to believe they are correct (and so far have been) so it’s something to not immediately shake your head at. I have the list, but out of respect for those readers who do not want to know, am only giving out any information to people who email me and ask. I thought about it more and just feel this is the best way to go about it. I only do my column once a week, so it’s kind of hard to just post Spoilers. If I had somewhere on the site to post the list without everyone having to see it, I would, but it’s not my site so I can’t. Therefore, if you want to know certain results, I can tell you them. It doesn’t have complete detail for each week, but it has the results up to the merge, and then final 5. One last note, if you aren’t following me on Twitter yet, go ahead and do so, so that you won’t miss out on any other information like this since I can’t really update you on all things Survivor on this website during the week. Ok, we got that out of the way…

We start the episode off with Ozzy and Elyse lying in the hammock together. I know that she’s pretty and all and I would have a tough time saying no to lying in a hammock with her, as well, but it’s this type of behavior that sends clear messages to your tribe that you are “with” that person. You don’t just go lie in hammocks with people you aren’t trying to play the game with, so perhaps Ozzy should just pee on Elyse in front of everyone to mark his territory. Making my point for me was Jim, who says that he is worried that Ozzy and Elyse have a stronger bond then the alliance he has with Ozzy, himself. He starts talking about how strong a pair can become in the game of Survivor, especially when that pair is outside of the original alliance that person is a part of. Jim believes Ozzy is placing himself at the forefront of the game and he wants to start a movement to turn that around.

So Jim goes and has a conversation with The Coch about getting rid of Elyse, because it’s a “Survivor move.” They both chuckle like little school girls after that comment. I felt like they were going to hug and rub their penises together out of excitement. I mean, Jim didn’t stop smiling at The Coch the entire time they were talking, so either he rubbed one out himself at the thought of this idea or he really is just that pumped about making the move. Personally, I hate the idea (mostly because I like looking at Elyse) but also because I think it’s way too early for Jim to be turning on his alliance. But, I know that the game changes every other minute, so this was probably just one of several conversations they had about different ideas on who to vote out. It’s all about the editing on Survivor.

Over at Upolu, Brandon thinks it was his pride that got the best of him and made him act the way he did. Newsflash, you’re f*cking crazy. It wasn’t your pride, it was the fanatical ideas going through your brain. That cuckoo bird clucked just a few more times than it needed to and out came the dumb decisions, Loco. But, he decided to apologize to Mikayla for the things he said and did. And, then, he decides it’s a good idea to tell Edna that she’s not actually a part of the alliance they have formed. She is the sixth person in a five-person alliance, meaning she’s not really in the alliance and is expendable. Either this kid is just the right amount of stupid where he can actually make it far in this game, or he’s playing the EXACT style game Russell played where he’ll be taken to the final 3 only because everyone knows that he’s not getting any votes. For what it’s worth, I think Russell played one of the best games his first season of Survivor and should have won the show, but the game has become such a social game these past few seasons that I really believe Brandon has already lost his ability to win the game. He should have never told everyone who is uncle was.

Over at Savaii, Dawn worries about her bathing suit being see-thru. Actually, I’m worried about that, too, because that’s not something I need to be seeing. Yes, boobs are boobs, but there’s a difference with who they are attached to. Just saying. No offense meant by it. Although, without making too big a deal of it and coming off creepy, both Elyse and Whitney looked good in their new bathing suits. We know the producers of the show gave them those because they didn’t appreciate what they were walking around in (even though their last bathing suits weren’t all that bad). Smart men over in Survivor Production. As we saw (or didn’t see, I should say), it’s not like they were making a big deal of Upolu getting new bathing suits. I don’t think many guys are lining up at their televisions trying to see Edna in a string bikini or Stacey in a thong-bottomed bikini!! Again, just saying!

Jim and The Coch head off to watch the duel and Ozzy is talking about how Jim talks too much strategy all the time and how he needs to calm down. I think I’m going to start calling Ozzy “Adiaas.” There are a couple people in my life who know what I’m talking about when I say this (none of them read this blog), so I’ll explain. There was a time when I found a coat in a parking lot somewhere, and it appeared to be an Adidas coat. It had the stripes and said Adidas on the back. So, I wore it, thinking it was cool that I just found it for free, lying around. Then, one day, a few weeks later, one of my friends noticed something a little different about the coat. He noticed that there were four stripes in the logo and he thought Adidas only had three stripes. Then, he turned the coat over and looked more carefully at the name and saw that it said “Adiaas” instead of Adidas. No second ‘d.’ It was a fake, an imposter. It appeared to be the real deal, but at further glance, it was not. This is what Ozzy is to me now. He appears to be the real deal in the game of Survivor, but he just makes all these dumb decisions that show how not made for this game he is. I think Probst can bring him back on the show 10 more times and he still won’t ever win this game. Come on Ozzy, you know more than anybody that strategy is discussed from day one on the island. Nobody is ever doing too much strategy talking. Hell, weren’t you the one out looking for the Idol during the first few days? I have a feeling you’ll be packing your bags soon, Adiaas. It was nice knowing you a third time.

At the duel, we got to watch Christine and P. Bear duke it out. I was a little upset we didn’t get any spoken word from Christine about how she wants to undress herself for a guy she hasn’t met yet. The least Probst could have done was bring back Semhar to either actually undress or just spit a few more rhymes to hype everyone up for the competition. Who doesn’t get hyped after hearing stuff like that?

Anyways, perhaps there were more rules to the game than we were shown on the show, but I’ll just never understand these people in these challenges. It’s a who-finishes-first-wins challenge and these two idiots are walking back and forth to get their bags and stopping to celebrate and clap their hands after each “make.” What the f*ck is wrong with these people? Do they not know they’re trying to win $1 million?!? I wouldn’t even look to watch if my bag made it on the barrel before I was already back at the pile picking up my next bag. At first, I thought Jeff meant that they could only go one at a time (meaning they had to wait until the other person threw their bag to go), but no he just meant they could only get one bag at a time. This was confirmed when I saw Christine throw a second bag before P. Bear got his out of his hand. So, after seeing that, I was livid with these two, and they just more proved to me why they aren’t going to win this game. I understand you’re tired and hungry and whatever, but you’re in a competition to stay in a game where you can win $1 million, get a f*cking move on it, people! Geez. If I wrote up a list of things I would do for $1 million, it would consist of just about anything in this world, so I’m failing to understand why these people couldn’t get up to participate with a little extra energy in the match. Sorry for the rant, but I get pissed off at stuff like this.