SURVIVOR – 9/29/11

We move over to the Savaii tribe, where Ozzy makes the same exact mistake Brandon did, and I just discussed. He believes Keith is his closest ally and that they have formed some sort of brotherhood bond. Ozzy is quickly losing status as one of my favorite players. He just doesn’t get it, and this is his third time around. Why the hell does Keith need to know you have the Idol, Ozzy? Why do you think that’s a good idea? Are you just bored and want something to talk about with someone for a few minutes? Talk to Keith about having a foursome with Elyse and Whitney for God’s sake, don’t tell him you have the Idol.

Guess what Keith did with that information, he went and told Whitney. And, he probably told her just a few minutes after Ozzy told him. If there is something I can tell you, Ozzy, about guys and beautiful girls it’s that we will tell them ANYTHING we think will get us closer to getting in their pants. It’s like the old Chris Rock joke (which is true) that whenever a guy is being nice to you, he wants to give you some d*ck (“Here, let me get that door for you. Want some d*ck? You want some help with those groceries? How about some d*ck?” Classic, Chris!). So now the word is out, Ozzy, that you have the Idol. And guess what the tribe is going to be discussing next time you lose an Immunity Challenge? Yeah, voting you out. I’m not saying they’ll do it, but it’s going to be brought up. A lot earlier than it would have had you just kept your stupid mouth shut. I think I’d like to see Survivor go one of two routes next season. Either, cast an entire group of geniuses or an entire group of “slow” people. I want to see how this game would be played if everyone was on the same level. I just feel like some people make it so easy for other people to win this game and it pisses me off when people do stupid things. But, it happens every season, I should be used to it. I once asked a Producer for Big Brother if they thought it was the conditions of the show or if people were just that stupid and she told me it was both, but I could tell in her voice that she meant people were just that fricken stupid…

We switch sides of the Island and are back over with Upolu, where Mikayla wants to talk to Brandon about why he hates her. She wants to know what he has against her. I think this is a smart move on her part to try and maybe mend the bridge between the two of them, but she forgot one thing, he recently escaped from a mental hospital and doesn’t have the ability to act “normal” around human beings yet. He goes off on some tangent about how he’s trying to apologize and how she doesn’t get that, yet he’s yelling at her and saying he doesn’t like her. Man, his fights with his wife must be classic. I can’t even imagine their make-up sessions. It probably includes knives, squirrel blood, and Christian porn.

He goes even further off the deep end by gathering the entire tribe to tell them all that he despises Mikayla, wants her out of the game, and wants everyone to leave him out of the drama. Uh, hello, dipsh*t, you’re CAUSING the drama right now with powwows such as these. Coach is none too pleased with his behavior and hopes that this was his last outburst because his behavior is detrimental to the tribe because he is isolating himself from the tribe, burning bridges with Mikayla, anyone Mikayla is working with, and making it harder for his alliance to stick by his side. If you want more “Scott’s Advice,” ditch his crazy ass. Vote him out the very next time you can because he seriously looks as if he may murder more than just a chicken on the island.

From there, we go to the Immunity Challenge. I swear the rules and descriptions of how to do these challenges get more intricate each week. I’m no idiot, but Probst always loses me after about 3 seconds. I’m more of a visual learner, I don’t follow directions when they’re spoken to me all that well. I guess I can’t even say that, because they show you how to do the challenge while he’s explaining it too. Swim, hook, puzzle. Just say that next time, Jeff, because all the rest is just filler. We at home aren’t actually playing the game, so just tell Mikayla that when the challenge involves her in the water to wear a bikini and leave it at that. Thanks.