SURVIVOR – 9/29/11

Written by:
Scott Ottersen
Email: ScottOttersen@yahoo.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/ScottOttersen
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/ChokeOnMyBlog

I will start off today’s blog acknowledging a reader’s email in which she was nice enough to lay out the whole clothing situation for Survivor. She sent me an article regarding the process of how their clothing choices are made. Apparently, the cast will bring outfits along with them and Production will go through them, have them try them on, and choose which option is best suited for television. I’m not so sure why it would matter and why Production would have to take part in choosing what clothing a contestant wears, but that’s why I’m not in show business, I guess. They have to see which one will look best on camera and I can tell you that whoever the stylists are for CBS should probably be fired. It’s almost as if they have semi-blind senior citizens choosing their outfits. But, I guess they can only work with what they’re given and it’s not like it’s dressing models for the Victoria Secret fashion show…you can only shine sh*t so much, right?!?

Second note I wanted to make is that I, recently, found out that Mikayla has posed for Playboy in the past (February 2011). She was on the cover for a special they did on the Lingerie Football League. And, let’s admit it, if any girl is playing football in the Lingerie Football League, her dream has to be to make the cover of Playboy, right? I’m not knocking it, I saw the pictures, I’m definitely not knocking it! If you are a male and you haven’t seen the pictures yet, google is a wonderful tool. She may not look all that pretty in the jungle, but all done up, I’d pay the $5 or whatever it is to see her naked…

Ok, with my perv moment over, I can move on to last night’s (by the time you read this) episode. As is customary with Redemption Island being a part of the show, we start the episode off with the awkward introduction between Semhar’s cleavage and Christine the school teacher. Christine tries to show off her intelligence by claiming Coach thinks he’s “King Farouk.” This is great and all, but King Farouk was actually known as a sh*tty King (of Egypt) and was overthrown due to ineffectiveness as a leader and lavish lifestyle. So, saying that you were voted out because Coach thinks he’s a sh*tty ruler actually makes YOU look bad, doesn’t it, Christine? Also, Semhar has no idea who the f*ck King Farouk is, so that “joke” went straight over her head…

After that quick moment is over, we head over to the Upolu tribe, where our Playboy cover model reads off that two people from the tribe get to go witness the duel. Coach and Mortician Stick are the ones “chosen” to go be the representatives for Upolu, while my girl, Elyse and Ozzy are the members of the Savaii tribe that are sent to catch a viewing of Semhar recite a poem about stripping naked for a man she’s hoping to meet soon.

Something I’ve always wondered about the competitions is if Probst is talking the entire time or if he’s just off and on and they are usually just sitting in silence. I know that he needs to say something here and there for TV purposes, but I know if I were on the show, I’d find it kind of annoying to have him talking as I’m trying to concentrate on holding these long ass sticks while balancing some wood carving on top, trying not to have it fall on my head. That was actually one of the questions I wanted to ask him if he ever allowed me an interview. I asked him on Twitter, but apparently he’s too busy responding to tweets about why he was wearing pants instead of shorts to respond to me. Don’t worry though, Probst, you’re still my favorite.

After a fairly good effort, Semhar loses her wood and has to pack up her boobs and leave the game of Survivor. Thanks for the memories, Semhar. We’ll never forget your cleavage and your poetry. Well, we’ll probably forget your poetry, but it’s all the same, right? Oh, and quick note, stop feeling abandoned. You’re on Survivor, where people get voted off every other day or so. You’re not a victim of injustice, you just sucked at being a part of your tribe. It’s easy to be a victim when you continuously harp on the negative aspects of your life without ever looking at the positives. It’s akin to when we’re talking about our drives home from work always saying “Man, I miss EVERY light,” yet when you REALLY pay attention to it, you probably get caught at about 2 lights. You can’t consider 2 lights “every” light. That is what you are doing to yourself with the abandonment issues. Look at it in a more positive light; whoever abandoned you is now gone from your life. You didn’t need them for anything. They are gone. Move on. This message of encouragement has been brought to you by PBS. I’ll call this section “Scott’s Advice.” You are welcome.

We move back to the Upolu tribe where Brandon is conflicted. He doesn’t want to lie anymore. Hey, did you know that he’s a Christian? I just thought I’d share that tidbit with you in case you didn’t know. So, while he’s sitting at the beachfront, next to Sophie, just staring at her, he awkwardly says he wants to take his shirt off and goes ahead and does it. If you wanted to tell people you are Russell Hantz’ nephew, there are many different ways you could have gone about doing it, but awkwardly staring into Sophie’s eyes and telling her you feel like taking your shirt off is not one of them.

Anyways, he does the whole shirt charade and then makes sure everyone is around for the big reveal. He has only one half of one testicle. No, no, I kid, he tells them that he’s the nephew of Russell Hantz. A bigger deal was made out of him wanting to reveal this than the actual reveal. Nobody really cares. They all already thought you were criminally insane and that you had some social screws loose in your brain, so this news was actually enlightening to everyone, rather than detrimental. It explained a few things.

I liked Coach’s explanation of it, calling it a mistake and that it shows his age and how he lets things get to him. He hit that dead on. I don’t think he should have ever told anybody, not even Coach. If you want “Scott’s Advice” on how to play Survivor, I’ll tell you that it is always good to have that one trustee along with you in the game. But, at the same time, you do NOT entrust every bit of knowledge to that one person. You have to understand that one person is going around trying to make deals with other people, as well, and they are just going to end up using the information you give them against you. So, yes, Brandon telling everyone that he is Russell Hantz’ nephew took some power away from Coach, and him being able to use that information against him, but it would have been something he should have just kept to himself and never told anybody. What do they need to know that for? And, you could have taken your shirt off and shown the tattoo’s and made up a story about how you happen to just have the same last name as Russell. It’s not like there aren’t other Hantz’ in the country. Whatever, though, I digress. He’s an idiot, Coach is right, let’s move on.