SURVIVOR – 9/22/11

Written by:
Scott Ottersen
Email: ScottOttersen@yahoo.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/ScottOttersen
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/ChokeOnMyBlog

Before I get started, I just read an email from a reader about one of the contestants on this season, Whitney, having a cousin that is missing. Holly Bobo, from Nashville. My reader asked me to pass along this information and that if anybody had any information regarding Holly and her whereabouts to please contact the police. She has been missing since April and any help would be appreciated. I surely hope she is found safe and unharmed. Best wishes to that search and prayers going out to her family.

And, Survivor is back! After getting used to Big Brother and doing three blogs each week, I felt like an entire month went by between these first two episodes. But, Wednesday is here, the show just finished, and I’m ready to roll these b*tches.

We start off with Semhar at Redemption Island, crying about how people are so cold-hearted and how she trusted her tribe and whatnot. Jesus H. Christ, do these people even watch the fricken show? I’m so tired of there being people every season talking about how they can’t believe this happened to them or they can’t believe they got blindsided. Does Semhar not know she’s playing Survivor? This ain’t Family Feud where you play the game with a group and win as a group. No, you’re on Survivor, a cutthroat game where people need to vote you out in order to win the $1 million. Write, or should I say speak a poem about that. By the way, I didn’t see a fire burning, how’s that coming along for you? Did you at least try to rub sticks in between your boobs to get it going? Might work…

Over at the Savaii tribe camp, Ozzy and Keith have a quick discussion about how they want to work together and bring Jim in to be the third member. They are the three strongest men on the tribe, so it should only make sense that they want to work together. Masculinity pride and all. It’s not like Cochran and the pink Care Bear are looking to be on their level, although to Mark’s defense (Care Bear) he seems to be a capable man, but he’s older and that’s always seen as a weakness in Survivor, even though I’m positive he can do more pushups than Cochran and Jim combined.

We move over to the Upolu tribe where we seem to learn that Edna wants to work with Coach and that’s she also quite proficient in making paper visors. It looks as if that Origami class worked out well for you and your survivor skills. And, hey, don’t sleep on Origami, I once took a Paper Folding class in college. I’m not even kidding, that was the name of the class. I believe I got a B- in it. Who would have thought folding paper was that f*cking hard! Anyways, Coach and Edna make a pact to stick together for the entirety of the game. After later finding out Edna can’t keep her story straight, I’m not so sure Coach made the right decision here. I mean, this is the chick who showed up for Survivor in a suit, so red flags galore.

Also, Coach believes somebody found the Idol because nobody is digging around the jungle anymore. Well, I can tell you, Coach, you don’t have to worry about Stacey the mortician having found it. That sh*t could have been taped to her forehead and she would have still poked at it with a stick and thought of it as nothing as she discarded it aside.

Day 4 of Survivor, and at the Savaii camp, we have our first Idol sighting. After finding out Cochran’s mommy (rightfully) told him she didn’t want him using the machete without supervision in fear that he’d probably cut his own d*ck off, Ozzy goes and finds the Idol. Part of me always wants to believe that Production has to help guide these people in some way. Because you look at the islands they live on and there are THOUSANDS of trees and yet Ozzy climbs the right one that just so happens to have the Idol stuck in a hole, under a rock, on one of those branches?!? And, all of this within an hour, probably, since nobody came looking for Ozzy or anything like that. I just have to believe that they’re either told it’s in a certain section of the jungle or something like that, because they can’t go on nothing and just all of the sudden find it. But, Ozzy did find it, but that means nothing because homeboy found it the last time out and got kicked off while it sat in his back pocket. Save it for the merge, Oz, and use it the first council because you WILL be the biggest target at that point.

Back over at Upolu, Brandon can’t live with lying to Coach about who he is, so he confesses to being Russell Hantz’s nephew by lifting up his t-shirt sleeve and reading his tattoo off as if Coach were five and couldn’t read it himself. My favorite part of all this was afterwards when they were walking around and Brandon was holding the machete out telling Coach he better keep his mouth shut about what he just told him and that he told him in confidence because he loves him. People kill out of love every day, Coach, I’d start sleeping out in the ocean if I were you. I’m taking my chances with the sharks than with this guy anywhere near that machete and no police around.

You really don’t get a grasp of how often Survivor cuts back and forth between tribes until you start writing a blog about the show, but back at Savaii camp, we catch a glimpse of Elyse in her underwear while the three musketeers go out fishing (Ozzy, Keith, and Jim). Jim (the world poker tournament champion…anybody else catch a gay vibe from this guy…not that it matters, but just asking) tells us about his 3 + 2 plan. He wants a five part alliance, three guys and two girls. He wants himself, Ozzy, and Keith to stick together and to bring along Elyse and Whitney. Shocking that he wants the two pretty girls in his alliance. I like this idea, but I think he’s too gung-ho about it and hopefully he holds onto it a little while longer and tries to make the threesome of the guys alliance more solid before they go and bring in two girls, who could easily sway the minds of two horny guys like Ozzy and Keith to abandon ship with Jim and go with them. You have to be careful of big alliances. They’re good to have in the beginning when you need those big numbers, but once the numbers start to dwindle, you need to have a strong bond with a set one or two people and hope that your once stone-solid alliance hasn’t shifted their thoughts on you and wanting you out. Every alliance has its pecking order and you never want to be at the bottom of that totem pole.