Survivor » RealitySteve.com Survivor – My sarcastic, slanted, sophomoric, and skewed view on the world of reality television

SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD FINALE – 5/13/12

Administrator — Mon, 14 May 2012 15:27:33 +0000

More delusional chatter to start off this wondrous finale episode of the greatest (no sarcasm there) season in Survivor history! This is going to be a 3-hour coronation of the most obvious champion in the history of this great show. But, we will have to sit through crap like Alicia telling us she had to get rid of “one of her powers” by voting out Tarzan. Like she’s some sorceress or something and she had to get rid of her magical healing power or something. This isn’t Once Upon A Time, Alicia, wrong show. For all you who watch that show, as well, don’t worry, that finale wasn’t all that satisfying either. Anyway, Alicia goes on about how she believes she’s here at the end because she’s played “one hell of a game.” Oh, I don’t know so much about that, Alicia. For someone who believes they are playing one hell of a game and that they are running things, you kinda don’t vote out your “pawn” 2 steps before the end when that pawn … Continue reading →

SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – 5/10/12

Administrator — Thu, 10 May 2012 13:51:54 +0000

We start off with Tarzan calling the girls stupid for not voting him out and how he has a master plan (of which he’s not going to tell us – seriously, why would you not tell us, Tarzan? You do realize the show is being TAPED and we aren’t on it, right? If you tell the camera, it’s not like we’re going to tell Kim, Chelsea, Alicia, Sabrina, and Christina what you’re wonderful plan is) to make the final 3. But, first, he says his plan is to just make the final 4 now. So, what is it then, Tarzan? Top 3 or top 4? You’re confusing me. Hell, I think you’re confusing yourself here. He goes on to tell Kim that is should be her, Alicia, and Christina in the final 3 and then Tarzan would talk the jury into voting for Kim to win. Alicia walks over, Kim tells her Tarzan’s plan and Tarzan has a look on his face that showed he probably wasn’t pleased about her doing that, but he rolls … Continue reading →

SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – 5/3/12

Administrator — Fri, 04 May 2012 16:54:45 +0000

We start off this episode with more delusional women talk. Alicia thinks Christina looks stupid every time she opens her mouth and thinks that it would then be smart to keep her in the game over Sabrina. I guess that’s not too delusional, though. It’s hard to tell anymore, because I think I’m delusional now after watching this show. Oh wait, that’s right, here comes the delusion, Alicia believes she’s in the perfect spot right now, that she’s “at the top,” and that she is controlling everything, oh, and she is the strongest player in the game! Is that all? Did Whitney Houston come visit you in your dreams and do some lines of cocaine with you? That must be the case, because I can’t remember a time where you were ever “at the top” or even somewhat strong in this game, let alone the strongest. Hell, you’re probably not even at the top of your special ed class IQ test scores.

After we go to a much needed commercial break (only 2 minutes … Continue reading →

SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – 4/26/12

Administrator — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 21:28:55 +0000

I’m writing this blog to you half-asleep. I’m half-asleep because I worked 13 hours today, came home, watched Survivor, and am now writing this blog at an ever early 11:30 at night. The only reason I’m not fully asleep is because this may have been the first episode of the entire season where I was actually engaged in what was happening in the episode. Dare I say I cared about what happened tonight. Of course, it took until the final 15 minutes or so to get me to that point, but at least it happened, right? Baby steps, people. Let’s all take those tiny human being steps to being closer to actually liking Survivor again. And, I swear to God, if the “i” button on my laptop doesn’t fix itself right now, you may just read sentences without the letter I, which would read somethng lke ths. Serously, “” have to go back and press on the button extra hard just to get it to stick!!!!!!!! I don’t need this at 11:30 at night when … Continue reading →

SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – 4/19/12

Administrator — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 17:08:38 +0000

Another stellar episode here, huh? I keep seeing how my notes are dwindling down to half a page when at the beginning of the season (and last season), I’d have a full page and sometimes writing on the back. Just nothing is happening, and it’s the worst case scenario for us viewers with the girls sticking together just like the tribe stuck together last year and just kept voting predictably, making the show almost pointless to watch. But, as pointless as is it is to watch, at least we can have some fun making a joke of these morons, right?

The show starts off with Troyzan realizing he is S.O.L. (sh*t out of luck, for those of you who don’t know). He realizes that it’s himself versus the rest of the tribe. I think he should have realized he was S.O.L. when he decided to go by the name Troyzan. I’ll relate this to the Original Kings of Comedy (if you haven’t watched it yet, go do it NOW and email me or facebook me … Continue reading →

SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – 4/12/12

Administrator — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 17:05:40 +0000

My favorite night of the week is back. Wednesday’s and Survivor. This season has been pretty lackluster in every department, but I will say that this episode had a little more substance to it. Dare I say I may have even liked the episode. Ok, let’s not go that far. I still got pissed off at how stupid these people are, but that’s pretty much how I am as a person; nothing against the show, I guess. Let’s see what these idiots got themselves into this time around…

The show starts off with Tarzan breaking it down to Troyzan what should be obvious to Troyzan, but he’s too f*cking stupid to see, and that’s that the girls have won this game. He tells Troyzan (I still can’t believe I have to write the names Tarzan and Troyzan and be semi-serious when I do so; what grown man wants to be known by Tarzan and/or Troyzan?!?) that the guys just fell apart and the girls took over. The guys lost this game just as much as … Continue reading →

SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD – 4/5/12

Administrator — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:37:06 +0000

So, the show starts off with Troyzan and Jay worrying that they made a mistake by voting Jonas out and giving the girls the power, not only within their alliance (they have 7 in their group, 4 of which are women) but also in the game (it was 6 guys, 6 girls, now obviously 6-5 in favor of girls). You think? In a season that started out as guys vs. girls, you two guys must not be too bright to think you made a mistake by voting out a guy (who you even admitted was an original member of your alliance) and giving the girls numbers inside the game. I’m not sure what it’s going to take for these idiots to ever learn common sense, but I guess that’s why they play the game, right? You never know what’s going to happen. Sometimes, you just have to trust who you are with and hope they back up their end of the deal. If they don’t, it doesn’t automatically make you an idiot, but close to … Continue reading →

SURVIVOR – 3/29/12

Administrator — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 13:42:42 +0000

So, the tribe came up with a new name for themselves. Troyzan brings up Tikiano and I’m pretty sure everyone else just went along with it because they’re either too stupid to come up with anything “tribal” or just too damn tired to even care at this point. But, I find it hilarious that he puts the two words “tiki” and “ano” together, because they mean “god” and “year.” First off, “tiki” does not mean god. Unless it’s in some other language than what I’m thinking he is deriving the word from. But, in Hawaiian culture, they are Tiki gods. The tiki’s represent the gods. If anything, the word tiki would be statue, more than god. But, I’m no expert in Hawaiian culture, but I do believe that the word tiki does not mean god. And, ano does mean year…in Spanish!! So, he’s taking two words from two different languages, forming them as one and thinking that would designate this the “Year of the gods?” Brilliant. I grow more and more jealous of these people’s … Continue reading →

SURVIVOR – 3/22/12

Administrator — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:18:54 +0000

Sometimes in life, you get what you ask for. You get what you wish for. And, the difference in people’s lives is whether or not they get the wishes that turn them into rich and famous people or they get the wishes that make it a tad bit easier to watch some meaningless reality television shows. Either way, you have to take what you can get, right? And, so you know, that last sentence may be the most optimistic thing I can ever say…

I will try and hold back my excitement for what happened in this episode, but it’s a difficult thing to do.

So, we start off the episode with more redundancy. That redundancy came in the form of Colton being bitter enough in his life to call Christina a “cockroach” and telling her to go jump in a fire. I would understand it, and probably even find it a tad funny, if Colton would just say these things, jokingly, in his interviews, but the fact that he openly speaks this way to … Continue reading →

SURVIVOR – 3/15/12

Administrator — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 21:03:06 +0000

And…we’re back. It’s Survivor night again and I’m mentally preparing myself to hate Colton. Oh wait, no need to prepare myself for that, I already f*cking despise the kid. I think I’m actually hoping he doesn’t play as prominent a role in this episode, so maybe I can actually enjoy an episode of Survivor this season.

Before I get into the episode, I wanted to dispel Bill’s idea of a “struggling comic.” Has anyone else seen that new nation-wide commercial for freescore.com? If not, look for it and tell me who you see. Yes, it’s Bill. I don’t know about you, but when I hear “struggling comic,” the first thing that pops up in my head is not someone who has been on a nationally syndicated commercial, no matter what product it is for! Now, I’m sure he didn’t get paid millions of dollars to be in that commercial, but he’s definitely seeing some sort of paycheck from it. I’m fairly certain there are actual struggling comics, who are still paying clubs to let … Continue reading →